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The Bang Bang Theories

Suck It.

Where did we leave off, Reader? Oh, yeah. I was telling you we had a November Goal of posting EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to get my words out and my brain stretched into putting stories and sentences together and that’s right where we are: Day 6, and the first time I’ve sat down at the comp-u-tater.

*that whole opening paragraph is a lie. I said none of those things, except in my mind.

What I do know for sure is this: I cannot be trusted with moderation. Not in cake. Not in cats. Not in face gadgets.

I had a feeling things were going to go poorly for me when I purchased my new face grinding/sucking apparatus and then watched a couple Youtubes about the practical use for such device.

As a side note, I also had to watch a Youtubes just this very evening to figure out how to change my canister vacuum cleaner bag.  It was tricky and it was starting to win, and then thanks to the Youtubes, I mastered it. But first I had to dig a part out of the trash that I accidentally threw away, thinking it was part of the disposable, and that’s why the bag wouldn’t go on….the more you know, right?! I’m just like a sponge sucking up all the learnings.

So anyway. Back to my face grinder and sucker. It’s purpose is to micro-derm-a-brasion me. I was especially worried about adding abrasions.  That’s what drove me to the Youtubes.

There were a few particularly important tips:

1/ Don’t dermabrasion on the highest setting to start

2/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot, especially when using the debris-sucking piece

3/ Don’t microderm with the diamond grinder more than twice a week

4/ You can use the dirt sucking device every day if you want

5/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot

6/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot

So immediately I kicked that bitch up to high and got to work. This face is a mess and needs grinded and sucked up.

I was doing fine.

I put myself on a schedule for the diamond head – twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays.

Debris sucking every day, don’t lollygag too long in one place.

We had a plan, me and my face.

And then a few days following the schedule, I really wanted to give my pores a workout.  Like all things I know I probably shouldn’t do, I did it anyway, much like when I pass by the Goldfish crackers and KNOW I shouldn’t buy them because I think they are two servings, not eight like the lying bag says.

I got aggressive and a little lackadaisical with the rules. I was flying along on high, and then I lollygagged too long in one place.

I was surprised that if you put a sucking device on high on one spot for a little bit longer than maybe you should, you’ll make a hickey on your face.

It’s as if I completely forgot what being 17 was all about.

My face is reminding me all about 17, complete with zits and blotchy parts.

After some initial panic, My Mister assured me it would heal up and go away, and I had to talk myself down by reminding myself that people get bruises on their faces and they go away, so surely this will clear up, right?

The price of beauty, Reader. Exactly $89.99 plus tax. Life lesson in hickey making? Priceless.



Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Some values have been established over at Chez Bang Bang, Reader, and it came as a bit of a surprise even to myself.

So you may or may not care know this about Trixie Bang Bang, but she has spent the last year being somewhat frugal-ish. I mean, not like Sophie* Frugal, but frugal-ish.

*Sophie is Trixie’s grandmama, and she wears the crown as the Queen of Frugal. She wouldn’t buy herself even a piece of pastry from the store unless it was 85 days old and cost no more than a quarter, and for that quarter you’d better be getting a bag of those confections, not just a measly single serving.  Sophie actually convinced me to give ’em a try one time, too, because, as she said, “you just heat ’em up in the microwave for a few seconds and they’re good as new with a cuppa coffee!” Reader, that was a lie. They were not as good as new, unless maybe they tasted like flavorless tough doughballs even when they were new.

So that’s why I say I’ve spent the last year being frugal-ish.  I will still enjoy a freshly baked pastry, because comeon.  However. I have also become quite familiar with shopping at the Dollar Tree, and have been quite impressed with some of their selections, mostly in their toothbrush area (a 2-pack of Colgate toothbrushes for $1!!) and cleaning supplies (the same bleach that costs $3 at Walmart for one whole dollar here!). What I’m saying is, I’ve gotten more savvy with my limited dollars.

Some things aren’t a hit, or even a good deal. But I will say I’ve been intrigued while walking through the personal care aisle and I’ve noticed the hair color. I mean, it’s $1.

On the other hand, it’s $1.

How in the holy-mother-of-hair is this even possibly going to work respectably?

So last night I bought one because I had some very shiny and shimmery silver roots peeking through and those bitches need to be covered, because frankly they are rude for trying to outshine me.

And that’s how it’s happened that this $1 hair color is sitting on my head right at this very moment, for another ten minutes.

And so far I’m not feeling any burning or tingling or noticing any clumps of my tresses falling to the floor.

I had fully expected to get this home and find it was a small sample size of color, but no, it was not.

It was a regular portion size, the same as every other $8 box mix.

The biggest diff I noticed was #1/ it didn’t come with an after-color conditioner (who cares!) and #2/ the gloves where a flimsier material (absolutely no one cares for a $7-$10 price savings).

This morning this conversation happened between me and My Mister:

TBB: “You’re going to be super excited when you see your coffee choices this morning!”

MM: “Did you buy k-cups at the Dollar Tree???!!”

TBB: “Don’t be ridiculous! I would NEVER trust my coffee to come from the Dollar Tree!”

And that, Reader, is exactly when I learned my values of the dollar.

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