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The Bang Bang Theories

Suck It.

Where did we leave off, Reader? Oh, yeah. I was telling you we had a November Goal of posting EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to get my words out and my brain stretched into putting stories and sentences together and that’s right where we are: Day 6, and the first time I’ve sat down at the comp-u-tater.

*that whole opening paragraph is a lie. I said none of those things, except in my mind.

What I do know for sure is this: I cannot be trusted with moderation. Not in cake. Not in cats. Not in face gadgets.

I had a feeling things were going to go poorly for me when I purchased my new face grinding/sucking apparatus and then watched a couple Youtubes about the practical use for such device.

As a side note, I also had to watch a Youtubes just this very evening to figure out how to change my canister vacuum cleaner bag.  It was tricky and it was starting to win, and then thanks to the Youtubes, I mastered it. But first I had to dig a part out of the trash that I accidentally threw away, thinking it was part of the disposable, and that’s why the bag wouldn’t go on….the more you know, right?! I’m just like a sponge sucking up all the learnings.

So anyway. Back to my face grinder and sucker. It’s purpose is to micro-derm-a-brasion me. I was especially worried about adding abrasions.  That’s what drove me to the Youtubes.

There were a few particularly important tips:

1/ Don’t dermabrasion on the highest setting to start

2/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot, especially when using the debris-sucking piece

3/ Don’t microderm with the diamond grinder more than twice a week

4/ You can use the dirt sucking device every day if you want

5/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot

6/ Don’t lollygag too long in one spot

So immediately I kicked that bitch up to high and got to work. This face is a mess and needs grinded and sucked up.

I was doing fine.

I put myself on a schedule for the diamond head – twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays.

Debris sucking every day, don’t lollygag too long in one place.

We had a plan, me and my face.

And then a few days following the schedule, I really wanted to give my pores a workout.  Like all things I know I probably shouldn’t do, I did it anyway, much like when I pass by the Goldfish crackers and KNOW I shouldn’t buy them because I think they are two servings, not eight like the lying bag says.

I got aggressive and a little lackadaisical with the rules. I was flying along on high, and then I lollygagged too long in one place.

I was surprised that if you put a sucking device on high on one spot for a little bit longer than maybe you should, you’ll make a hickey on your face.

It’s as if I completely forgot what being 17 was all about.

My face is reminding me all about 17, complete with zits and blotchy parts.

After some initial panic, My Mister assured me it would heal up and go away, and I had to talk myself down by reminding myself that people get bruises on their faces and they go away, so surely this will clear up, right?

The price of beauty, Reader. Exactly $89.99 plus tax. Life lesson in hickey making? Priceless.



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