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The Bang Bang Theories

Wow Now Brown Cow.

Well, it’s just like I planned it, Reader – here we are, on a Tuesday because I procrastinated worked hard around my house until after midnight, so we are right on track with Giving Tuesday. I’m not really sure if every Tuesday is Giving Tuesday, or if that’s a special Tuesday, and while I could ask Almighty Google, we will go with the idea that it’s every Tuesday. Because the world could use a tich more giving anyway.

And as promised, we are going to have a little product demonstration of my new find. Now, you may already know and love this product, and I’m the one behind the 8-ball on cool things and if that’s the case I wholeheartedly lay the blame at your feet, Reader, for NOT SHARING. If you have a cool product you love, tell us – or me at the very least – about it! Not to the point of turning this into a commercial, because that would be rude, but in the spirit of making each other’s lives just a tich easier.

I don’t think it even needs to be said, but I’ll say it anyway to be clear – I’m in no way compensated for this product endorsement, nor was one sent to me for free, and the one I’m giving away is just because I love you, Reader, and you’re worth $13. If I could afford it I’d send you all Instant Pots so we’d all have a stay-at-home wife who makes delicious dinners, and they for sure aren’t paying me, although they really should be by now. Do you hear that, Instant Pot makers?? Because come on now. Pony up.

But back to the product at hand.  I know you’re waiting with bated breath. This is how “real time” we are around here, I just got done creating the video and it’s soooo long, it’s like I think I’m a Kardashian and just kept talking. It’s nine damn minutes of me talking and demonstrating and blinking and fucking with my bangs. And I can’t do it over, or I’d have to re-make-up my face, and that sure as shit isn’t happening this time of night.

So. Since I don’t expect anyone to sit through all that, I’m going to just tell you what my favorite product of the moment is because you have lives to lead and can’t spend nine minutes watching me take make-up off my face. Unless you want to, and I do encourage a little of that because Kitty Purry makes a brief appearance, and that’s worth it. And also I got alcohol in my my eye, and not the kind ya drink, which would have been more fun, but of the Isopropyl variety, which was a lot less fun and just stingy.

Here’s my new favorite make-up thing: The Make Up Eraser, which I kept calling it the Magic Eraser, which it basically is, so truth.
makeupThis little shamwow for your face is amazing.

And if you want to see Kitty Purry, me after a shower, me getting alcohol in my eye, and me using my shamwow, go watch the video. Say hi in the comments here, or on Facebook, or even just a “like” is fine on Facebook.  I’ll pick a winner on Friday. Sometime on Friday, I’m not committing to a time. There’s a reason My Mister calls me “Concept.” Because I have no concept of time, or so he says, which I cannot even take umbrage with because it’s now after 1 a.m. and here we are. So yeah. Concept.






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Last Friday we buried my grandmother on a little hilltop in a country cemetery.

Wildflowers grew aside the winding road that led to The Gates of Heaven. It’s small with one circular drive that leads both in and out.

We passed by the names that echoed from the stories of my childhood, the stories told over and over at the kitchen table. I cried.

Then we came to my grandmother’s spot, next to my grandfather who died in 1973. A small hole had been dug, waiting for her remains. Seven of us were in attendance, not counting the priest, who never knew my grandmother, but nonetheless.

Ninety-two years and you get seven people to show up.

Windchimes were hung in a tree down the hill from my grandparent’s patch of earth. Depending upon the way the wind blew, we could hear them tinkling.

I walked around the cemetery, impressed that such a small family place in an unwealthy community housed such elaborate stones. Etchings of family homes and photos of loved ones adorned the plots.

I wept during the five minute ceremony. Not just a few tears. Heart-wrenching weeping. I wept four months worth of sorrow that has been swallowing me up since she died, and I’ve been too angry to cry about until now.

At first I tried to stifle my sobs, worried about what my aunt and uncle would think, four months after her death.

Then I just didn’t care what anyone thought at all, I wasn’t there for anyone else except myself.

After a few words and prayers the priest put the cremains in the ground and someone handed Kenny a shovel and he tamped her down into the earth.

While my aunt and uncle tried to discourage us from making a three hour drive for a five minute ceremony, it was the most important trip I’ve had to make in a very long time.

We drove away, leaving my grandmother back where she belongs, where she came from. Home.

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