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The Bang Bang Theories

It’s All in the Game

Because work is so worky, I’m JUST NOW sitting down and stuffing food in my face in the name of lunch/dinner, Reader. And it’s 9:03 p.m.

Feel the sorries for me.

I’m eating salami right out of the bag, wrapped in a torn off piece of muenster cheese, which is actually quite tasty, although would be better with a glass of red because then we’d feel fancy, except because my day hasn’t punished me enough already, I’m punishing me even more and making me drink a tall glass of water before I’m allowed to have the red.

Because I’ve only peed about twice in the entire whole damn day, because I was even too busy to drink.

How in the holy-heck can I be that busy, Reader??  It’s not even the busy time so I’m super not looking forward to January when it really ramps up.

Please hold your thoughts for a moment or two, I’m going to guzzle down this water and switch to wine with my last slice of cheese and salami.

~hold moment one~

~hold moment two~

Okay, I’m back and now ready to rock and roll, coochi-coo.

My dinner was getting the sniff of approval. 

Yes, he may or may not have licked my cheese.

Yes, I am eating it anyway.

In other news, my other kitteh is home with his $1,424 wiener.

I really hope he extra enjoys it every time he licks it. He needs to get my money’s worth out of it.

After work today I went on a vision quest to find a pill-popper thing-a-mah-jig to launch the twice-a-day cat pills down his gullet.

Well, a vision quest may be an overstatement, however I am seeking my life’s direction and maybe there was a chance I could have found it at Target. I didn’t; however I did find Pine scented Meyer’s cleaner, which is an absolute DE-LIGHT to sniff, and not at all pine-sol-y and artificial.  I cleaned all the kitchen counters just so I could get some good sniffs in, and I’m not done yet, Reader, as I think I’m going to clean some things around the bedroom so I can enjoy it in my sleeps.  Or else I’ll be too tipsy from all the wine and skip that for tonight.

Speaking of vision quest, does anyone remember that 1985 movie by that name? That movie pops through my mind on occasion, which is also where Madonna had her Crazy For You song debut, and also I was an impressionable young girl and learned the importance of keeping nice undies in case a guy wanted to sniff them.

Yes, that’s an actual thing from the movie.

Yes, one time my first ex-husband was caught sniffing my undies. So the lesson paid off, because they were nice. Not nice enough to keep him from being an ex-husband, but hey, I did my part with nice undies.

This, Reader, is going no where except every where, all over the place and all at once.  I sat down to tell you something – who knows what by now – and here we are talking about my dinner and twenty-year-old-me undies getting a sniffing, and not by the same sniffers because that would be REALLY weird, although now that I think about it, while I don’t have any proof, that cheese-sniffing cat probably has walked by and sniffed my undies at some point.  While they were on the floor, Reader, not on my person, because that would be creepy and we’re a lot of things around here, but we’re not that creepy.

Speaking of undies, one time several years ago, Kenny had an acquaintance who wanted to buy my worn and unwashed panties. He was willing to pay upwards of twenty bucks a pair, depending upon how gamey they were – the more gamey, the more $$, naturally. He requested the big, bloomer-ie type of under pants. Believe it or not, we actually TURNED DOWN that offer, and holy smokes, just think of the extra vacations and cat wiener repairs I could have paid for with gamey underwear money.

Missed opportunities, Reader.

If that opportunity decides to come a-knocking at Chez Bang Bang’s door again, I’m going to throw open that door and greet Opportunity with a whole laundry basket full of gamey, big panties.

Knock with caution if you decide to come visit, Reader.  Don’t sound like Opportunity, or you may get something you’re not expecting.

2 thoughts on “It’s All in the Game

  1. Loved this rant. Find that guy that wants the gamey panties, we could make a ton. I want a position, maybe VICE president.

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