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The Bang Bang Theories

I’m Making Me Merriman.

Reader, I just asked my fighting cat if he wanted to get “banquished” for not being nice to his siblings.

Sometimes I think I’m relatively smart because I read books and stuff, but then things like “banquished” come out of my mouth, all out-loud and into the world, to a cat no less, and I rethink my high esteem.

I believe I meant banished or vanquished to the other room, by himself, all alone, to think about his behavior. But banquished came out, with all sorts of authority in the statement.

It may be the red, but I don’t think banquished is a word, but I sort of like it if it means I would get sent to a banquet.

Please, Reader, banquish me. I’m hungry and wouldn’t mind a little alone time with a nice meal and perhaps a cocktail.

Unless maybe banquish really is a word already and I’m assigning my own definition?  But even if it is a word, I’m assigning my own definition of being sent to a banquet.

I don’t know, Reader. I shouldn’t drink and type. The cat ignored me, too.

p.s. READER! I’m cracking myself up over here, compete with authentic LOLs! You should really be here! I just typed up the caption for this, thinking I was all creative, but then I’m not quite tipsy enough to not spot-check myself and realized it’s NOT, in fact, MERRIMAN-WEBSTER dictionary, but the Merriam-Webster, and that’s a lot not what I thought. Maybe I am in fact the Merriman Dictionary. My olden married last name was Merrifield, so maybe it rubbed in.



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