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The Bang Bang Theories

In On the Joke

Trixie Bang Bang is grabbing onto the last days of nice-ish weather. The weather feels a little bit on the brisk side, but it’s clear and I’m fortunate to be able to spend a little more time porching.

Eventually TBB has to go back to work.


She …er … I … have a THING I’m working on, and it may be just enough to patch us through over here at Chez Bang Bang, and leave me with the free time I love so damn hard.

As we both know, Reader, I’m not getting any younger, and in fact I’ve apparently scadaddled ahead rather quickly and went right to my Senior Moments, not to be confused with my Señor moments, when I’m just a very nice gentleman who sips tequila and eats guacamole

Señor Moment Me


On Tuesday night My Mister and I decided on a spur-of-the-moment to go see a movie. I hopped* in the shower**, dried the front of my hair, slathered on my Arbonne-look-young-long-time moisturizer, put on actual PANTS instead of those of the yoga variety, but decided to skip harnessing my bajongas into place as I was still mildly damp from the shower and didn’t want to wrestle with a brassiere. I was doubled up in a shirt with a sweater over it because Fall is nipping at our heels, so I didn’t need to apologize to the world for my boobs on the loose.

*my old broken knees version of hopping, which plays out more like a very careful grasping of the wall and gently hoisting one leg at a time into the shower area

**yes, it was EVENING before I decided to shower, stop judging me, the trick is that I’ve been MOSTLY showered during funemployment!

So off we go, where we decided to see the movie Silence, which was good enough, by the way, on Cheap Movie Night (Tuesdays), and since the movie was cheap and My Mister’s was free (thanks, Costco Moviepass subscription, as I only get three a month now, but he still gets unlimited. I did not buy though Costco, I bought through their Moviepass website, damn me) it was decided we’d have a popcorn and diet soda treatsie.


This is where my night took a turn.

The bill rang up to about $2.50 less than I normally pay.

Me, excitedly asking the counter girl:

“Why is this so cheap tonight? Is there a special? Did I earn a reward from my Cinemark app???”

Countergirl: just looks at me.

Me, still pushing it: “Well, that’s a good price, hm, I’m surprised it’s not $11.75! What a deal!”

Countergirl: “Um, well, it’s the senior discount price.”

Me, still not actually getting it, gives the girl a conspiratorial wink: “This old age really pays off!”


Long, steady wink, to let her know I’m in on the shenanigans.

My Mister and I grab our plunder and saunter away, proud of the scamming of the system.

And then.

I realized it wasn’t a scamming-of-the-system conspiracy between the Young Countergirl and myself.

We were not in cahoots.

She was all of sixteen.

I hadn’t even been asked if I qualified for the senior discount.

It was just assumed.

“Of course this woman is a senior discount getter,” Young Countergirl must have said in her own brain.

Prodding My Mister, “Do you think she thought I was really a senior citizen??”

MM: “Well, I think the discounts start at 50.”

TBB: “No. No they don’t.”

MM: “Just go with it, you saved over two bucks, and from here on out you’re a senior citizen.”



I took a picture of myself on the way home, to do a little senior citizen analysis.


I mean, not too wrinklie. But yes, Girl could use a little smoothing-of-the-complexion concealer, perhaps.

And the next day I made an appointment at my Fancy Salon to get a good and youthful looking haircut, to begin the process of whipping my head back into shape.

I’m not going down without a fight, Old Age.

I mean, unless you kick me in one of my arthritic-the-likes-the-doctor-has-never-seen-in-a-person-my-age bad knees. Then I’ll go down pretty quick and easy.


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