Hi-Howdy, Reader! It’s Saturday night, or so they tell me, and I’m sittin’ here in a quiet-ish house and want to tell you stories.
Except the stories aren’t on the tips of my fingers, and haven’t been for a while, and so I decided to lube them up with a lil’ bit of see below:
For you, Reader, I’m breaking my Health Kick*, which has included NO ALCOHOL** for a almost an entire week now – well, it would have been 8 nights since I got back into town and decided I needed a 30-day clean out of mah insides.
*”health kick” being used in a very loose sense, because yesterday included wedding cake, which also became breakfast with coffee this morning, because wedding cake doesn’t come along just any ol’ day, so you have to strike while it’s around.
but I have been eating mostly better, and cooking at home, and enjoying my power-house Arbonne shakes for breakfast/lunch AND – hold on now – going to the gym this week!!
**mostly no alcohol, except for last night when I needed three vodka/lemonades during a wedding we DJ’d, which is also where the wedding cake came from, so basically MARRIAGE is to blame for all of my downfalls. that should not be any surprise for me, yet here i sit, surprised. damn marriage sticks it to me again.
Anyway, that breakfast cake tasted better than it looks, and was quite worth being between my lips.
As a matter of fact, this rum and coke-sy I’m sipping right now is also quite worth being between my lips rights now, it’s that damn delicious.
Notice above how I didn’t belabor the point of how I am better than you went to the gym four out of five days this week, and the time I didn’t go, I went for a really sweaty walk in my neighborhood AND I’ve engaged my quads in a 30-day squat challenge?? Because I’m not an insufferable gloater, Reader.
Except maybe I am, because did I mention my working out and my squatting and my almost giving up alcohols this past week??
Although I’ve just refreshed my squat challenge calendar and I think I’m about 20 squats per day behind because I think I’ve been sticking at 30 and oh, p.s., that’s hard. I only plan on getting to the 100-squats-per-day, not 250, because get a life, Squat Challenge Designers. So basically I figure my squats are like this:
Week 1 – start with 20, get to 30 – check
Week 2 – move from 30 to 50, increments of 5 each day or whatever feels good
Week 3 – move from 50 to 75, increments of 5 per day or whatever feels good
Week 4 – move from 75 to 100, pat yourself on your newly uplifted butt area and gloat about it to everyone you know.
Tonight, right after I’m done with my rum*** I’ll get my 30 or 35 in for the night. Except I may have done them this morning, but I can’t rightly recall – because I believe in checking it off in my head and not on paper and it’s not entirely a failsafe method, also thanks rum.
***all the on-line squat challenges are missing the whole “add rum at the end of each week” to their little system, which is where they’ve failed us all, and why working out is tough to stick to, and frankly I need to write this whole method down and market it, complete with ratio of rum to coke for optimum drinkage and people will ENJOY working out more and the whole world will be happier.
See, I told you a little rum would get a story outta me. I never promised a good one, but ya know. We’re just getting back into the swing of things.
I’ve got a floor that needs mopping, also made more fun with the addition of rum on my lips. And then a little Netflix & Chill, which does not mean having sex with myself or anyone else, but more likely means Forensic Files & Sleep, because my damn Netflix plays hard to get and works sporadically, like an asshole. Not literally “sporadically like an asshole,” unless your asshole doesn’t work well all the time and takes a lot of coaxing, then it would be literally accurate to say my Netflix works like an asshole, instead of just an adjective to describe the frustrating fuckery it delivers from time-to-time.
Rum apparently makes me sweary, too.
What’s new with you, Reader?? Let me know if you need any exercise tips, because I’m almost a guru with four hard days at the gym under my belt and a 30-squat repetition underway.
**p.s., did anyone get my title?? anyone? damn, Rum, you make me clever.
**if you didn’t get it, you’re going to get kicked out of the Tom Petty fan club. Yes, petty, I know, but those are the rules. I don’t make the rules,* I just enforce ’em.
*i actually do make the rules.
**which is why I’m using these little star annotations *** however the hell I see fit tonight.
~~Trixie Bang-Bang makes the rules.