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The Bang Bang Theories

Blue Ain’t My Color. Except this one time, when it is.

Reader, I don’t know about you, but I’m having a rocky start to 2018.  I don’t know why we believe in this notion, that a tick mark of a clock chiming to midnight into the start of a new year holds some sort of magic-ry, but the reality is, it doesn’t.

At least not for me.

Not now.

Not so far anyway.

I usually do a retrospective of the the prior year, to see how I’ve done. I only did a short mental checklist of the ups & downs of 2017. The downs definitely outweighed the ups, as we’ve had death that took the wind out of our sails.

The Good-ish:

  • I did change jobs. Again.
  • We cruised. Again and again and again.
  • We Elvis’ed.
  • We didn’t get any additional cats. Thank the Lawd.

There were good things, really fun things. But then there was just a pallor of “eh, not so great” hanging over.

Not Good:

  • Deaths
  • Relationships got capsized and still haven’t gotten all the way back upright
  • Money was a thing I worried about. A lot. You’d never know it from some of my lavish vacations, but it’s a thing
  • My house had a bad-guy trying to rob my stuff
  • Kenny had a bad business situation that hung over him for a while, because he was in business with cheating, lying a-holes which led me to say really loudly, numerous times I TOLD YOU THEY WERE BAD APPLES!!! Only I didn’t say Apples.
  • Girlie Cat died all of a sudden one night
  • Kenny’s mom was very irrational for much of the year, and somehow got ME involved as the bad influence. I don’t mind being a bad influence, but mostly as it pertains to drinking, swearing and gambling. She just thought I was a bad influence for being the kind of human being I am.
  • My dad had some health woes that gave me several grey hairs
  • I almost forgot to mention my stupid health sitch, which took 7 months and thousands of dollars to heal. But at least it healed. I’m trying to brightside it.
  • Other things, but you get the drift

Really, I think I’m in a space of disillusionment that I’m not even going into 2018 all Pollyanna. Which is sad, because generally I can fake-it-til-I-feel-it just fine. But not so, so far anyway. I am just not having any expectations. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up, I’m just not expecting great things. Yet. Maybe soon. Maybe not.

Back in my Olden Life, my exhusband and I used to take New Years Eve and write down our goals for the upcoming year, and then we’d read them to each other, see where we aligned, and seal them up. On New Years Eve of the following year, we’d read back our plans, see where we hit it or missed it, and make new goals for the future year. I’ve maintained that tradition, except now I just do it myself, because Kenny has zero.point-zero interest in doing this, but I always liked it, and so I do it alone. Except this year I couldn’t find my last year’s plans to read back to myself, so I don’t know if maybe I just didn’t have dreams and hopes for 2017 or if they’re just misplaced like so many things around here.

I’ve mostly been agitated and anxious so far this year. I know, this isn’t our agreement of why you come here.  You come for the nonsense, stay for the cute cat pictures (well, that’s what I tell them, anyway, ssshhhh, don’t hurt their feelings, Reader!). I mostly deliver on the nonsense. I guess just not this time. We’ll get back to shenanigans sooner rather than later. Pinky swearsies.

But for now, for today, for this post? We’ve gone in a different direction than what I had planned out in my head, but we’re just going to let it roll as-is.  I’ve thought about deleting this whole thing and not dragging you down by a “I feel meh” post, except I’m sure this little blog doesn’t have that much power, and deleting the real feels just didn’t feel like the right thing to do.  Because sometimes meh it is.

So far 2018 has delivered:

  • An unexpected visit from our little family member, which was throughly enjoyed albeit, too short – that’s the Good!
  • A really good batch of brownies last night – Also good!
  • A really good batch of rice krispie treats from my friendie – Exceptionally good!
  • A broken fireplace remote and now I can’t just turn it on without it being a take-the-fireplace-apart production
  • A broken refrigerator water filter line thing
  • A broken car battery
  • A super-noisy furnace last night which has me fretting a future Major Expense

This afternoon it’s going to deliver a movie. Because when all else fails, buttered popcorn may hold the answer.

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