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The Bang Bang Theories


Reader, I’m falling behind on prattling off about the nonsense of my life to you! I know, I know, your days just aren’t complete without my telling you the exciting goings on around Chez Bang Bang.

~hang on while I go refill my water glass. I just scarfed down tacos from The Bell for a very late and unsatisfactory dinner and have a hard shell stuck in my esophagus and also I need to hydrate, because I went to the GYM again, mo’fo’s, so BAM! and yes, I think the gym gets me all cocky and talking smack and callin’ my beloved Reader a mo’fo – blame the wild endorphins, Reader. And the doritos los taco.~

Okay, I’m back, whistle is wet and we’re here to tell stories. Or a story. Don’t get your expectations up, this isn’t going to be good, it’s only going to be a two minute distraction. I promise you nothing more than that, Reader.

So what’s up with me and all the gyming? And have I really been going?? Well, good question, Reader, good question.  See, how I make this feel like we’re participating in a conversation? You’re welcome.  As we discussed, I started making those dern Agreements with myself and sticking to my own word so as not to disappoint me. It’s been a rather useful tool for getting some stuff done. Not exciting and thrilling stuff, but I have reduced some cluttery spots and also have been keeping up a somewhat steady 3 or 4 times/week at the gym.  Small steps at a time, which I’m proud to announce I’m taking on my own two feet that have zero open wounds on them at the time of this writing!

I know, I know – I’m still a youngster to be dealing with this sort of nonsense. Yet here I am.

At my doctors appointment last week I accidentally blurted out, “I LOVE YOU!!” as I was leaving, and then I said something like along the lines of, ‘You know, for taking care of me,” but at today’s visit he was noticeably more friendly and showed me a picture of him when he was 17 from his iPhone – not naked, or of himself masturbating, which I’m learning is a thing you dirty guys like to do, yet no one has ever done that in front of me, and I feel a little jilted and also grateful – but anyway my dr and I chatted about what he did over the weekend, and plans for the holiday and he was cracking jokes and smiles, which is out of the ordinary.  He’s always caring, don’t get me wrong – which is frankly why I love him, he’s just so tender and knows how to care for broken things – but rarely is he this chatty. When I asked if I was all healed up, he looked up at me and held his fingers to his lips and said, “shush….we don’t want to scare it.”

This is meandering all over the place, but the point of that story is, as of right now – healed. Three rounds of cipro. I have been extra diligent about taking double does of probiotics, and let me tell you that involved a bit of orchestration. I had to take the probiotics at least an hour after the antibiotic, and while I had some food in my stomach to make sure some of probiotics had something to attach to and travel into my guts where it belongs, and anyway, short story longer, I was always looking at the clock to take a dose of some damn thing. And also having really great poops from all those probiotics. Just so you know. And now you can’t unknow. But the point of that sentence is, if you’re having trouble pooping, you should really try Arbonne Digestion Plus and you will be very happy with your poops.

We all want happy poops.

As for my big birthday wishes, I aimed for the stars and requested a healed foot – and a cleaned garage – for my two big birthday wishes. I already have happy poops, or I would have asked for that, too. I know, Reader. I know. Me and my princessy wishes. I’m high maintenance with my pie-in-the-sky dreamin’. I’m just like the Kardashians.

So yeah. The birthday is at the end of this week. I’ve so far made our really well on lunch treats and good company and even a little giftie which was totally unnecessary but appreciated. And now one of my big wishes has been delivered. I’m not going to hold my breath on the garage sitch. But maybe just maybe if I make an agreement with myself, I can make that wish come true, too.


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