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The Bang Bang Theories

What’s That??

This is absolutely NO WAY to kick off Birthday Month, Reader. No way at’tall (that’s how Andy Griffith would say it, play along).

Here were sitting on the SIXTH OF NOVEMBER already, and we just had the time change last night and now it’s dark before I’m even out of my pajamas and it’s time for bed again, and I have not had ONE POST this month so far, until RIGHT NOW.

That is a lot of capitalized words for emphasis, because I’m EMPHATICALLY disappointed in how little I’ve been putting out for you. Er. You know….I can only use a holy (hole-y?) foot for so long and then it is time to deliver, no excuses.

Whew. So here we are. It’s bedtime at 8:30 because it’s pitch-fucking-black outside already and I did stuff like washed the interior of my car and I am p.o.o.p.e.d.  I go back to work in the morning, Reader. Yep! My wound vac came off on Friday, despite the wound not being quite the size of a nickel yet. The doc said to unhook my constant sucker and it’s like I’m a free woman without a dangling tube of grossness coming out of my body and attaching to a 5 lb. weighted purse I carried with me everywhere. I can twirl and pirouette and do all sorts of things without getting tangled up in a tube. Except. My back started hurting for some only-God-knows-why reason, and now I’m not only hobbling around, but i’m nicely hunched over to boot. And let’s be honest, my pirouette-ing was really just all in my mind, and less so in my body.

Welcome to ALMOST 50, the birthday that just refuses to play nicely and instead is intent on hobbling me in every way possible.

Well, I’ve got news for you, Birthday.  ….er, well, I just deleted an entire sentence there, because I thought maybe the Birthday Gods would take it as a challenge to see what it takes to knock me so far the fuck down there’s no hope of getting up, and I would never challenge the Birthday Gods like that, no sirree, hee hee, nope, no challenges from this gal. Just a simple statement, uh, you gave me a bit of a pre-50 surprise and well, I’m just going to do the best I can with it. That’s it, nothing more to say about that, nope. If I hobble into 50, so be it. No Tuff Girl act from me, nope.

So anyway. I’ve left us a little high and dry, leaving you out of the loop on a lot lot lot of really pointless nonsense that may have been a 2-minute distraction in your day, and for that either I’m sorry or you’re welcome. Ladies choice.

Did you hear about this little thing that’s happening here on Tuesday?  Well, something’s happening on Tuesday, I’ve been told. In other news, tomorrow is the Marine Corp birthday, and I need to get my goose’s Dress Blues uniform out of the closet for the occasion. I know it’s the MC Bday because it’s 10 days prior to mine, it’s how my ex-husband always remembered my bday, only the opposite way.

So yup.  Big Week coming up:

1.Return to work

2. Marine Corp Birthday

3. Something happens on Tuesday

Enjoy, Reader! There are at least two reasons for cake this week, as far as I can count.




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