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The Bang Bang Theories

Chez Bang Bang Mysteries

Here’s a little puzzle for you, Reader. About a month or so ago some dudes wandered into my yard while I was enjoying company on my deck. They offered up some cheapish yard services, trying to get a little repeat biz started. 

Always a sucker for a hard-workin’-man story, and living at Chez Bang Bang with it’s yard just chock-fulla-nature-that-needs-maintained, I employed said dudes to trim my bush. Er. Trim my bushes. And pull some weed. Weeds. So the three of ’em got busy with my bush and weeds. Bushes! Fingers, stop making me sound all whore-y. 

Now, as an aside, I did tell the boys (they were in their mid-twenties or so) that if they took my cash and didn’t do my yard work like they had promised I would dickpunch ’em all. They fell a little in love with me at that point, and the next thing I knew they were offering to be my chauffeur any time I wanted to go out on the town and tie one on. I haven’t had to utilize those services, but it’s nice to know the boys have my back. 

Anyway. The guys did their thing around my yard for an entire day, trimming back some trees and weeding the entire front and back of Chez Bang Bang, which is no quick or easy feat, made less so by the possibility of wayward snakes in the grass. They worked their nuts off for about five solid hours. They had this place looking tight.

And then one day I noticed in the landscaping by the side of the garage, they had pulled out two little square boards, which where in between some bushes at one point, and set them next to the drive. 

And then one day, a pair of shoes just appeared on these boards. 

Like, one day the boards were just boards, and then some other day shoes were sitting there. Right out of the blue. 

They look like water shoes, and at first I thought maybe they were our water shoes from the horrible adventure of West Virginia rafting, but I have all those shoes and these don’t look like anything we’ve ever owned. 

Instead of moving the shoes or tossing them in the trash, I just let them sit there, and every time I’d pull in the drive I’d notice the shoes and ponder where they came from and how’d they end up just taking up residence in my yard. 

Today when I came home I glanced over to do my Shoe Check Routine, and noticed that only one shoe was there. 

I looked around in the bushes – well, let’s be honest, I glanced in the vicinity of the bushes, there’s no way in hell I’m actually climbing around in the landscaping because Snakes – and didn’t see the other shoe nearby. 

It appears to have magically disappeared, as weirdly as it arrived, only it didn’t take it’s matching friend with it.

Reader, do you think I’m going to see a deer walking around the yard with one water shoe on?  How did they get there in the first place? Do you think the lawn dudes had something to do with it?? Would you have just left them there to ponder like I did, or would you have tossed them in the trash when you first noticed them and not given it another thought???  Now what should I do with the lone remaining shoe????  Leave it????? Or wait and see if it just disappears, too?????? These are the questions that rattle around in my brain and keep me from solving issues like World Hunger. 

We both know what’s going to happen. I’m going to leave that shoe and track it’s progress daily. Maybe I’ll create a blog for it, and we can see what the Mystery Shoe is up to on a daily basis. Because that would be fun. Oh, you scoff (I can hear you), but I used to follow the trials and tribulations of a puddle on a  blog called Puddle Blog. And it was highly entertaining. Or maybe I need to find some real hobbies. Maybe. 
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