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The Bang Bang Theories

I Should Be Packing

Happy Friday, Reader! Unless you’re reading this some day other than Friday, then Happy That Day!

I’m heading out for a much-needed and highly-anticipated vacation. Don’t try to rob my house, Bad Guys, My Mister is staying home being the Protector and the Cat Kisser while I am away. This is a girl’s trip, with my friendie Joanne.   

Joanne used to be a little afraid of me.

She thinks I’m wild.  And she never even knew me in my twenties, when I rode a motorcycle naked through the city streets and fucked in a Taco Bell bathroom because we were just too excited to make it home. Then we had a chalupa, because well, Sex & Taco Bell. Now them, them there were wild times. 

The most I do now is paint my nails “12-Year-Old-School-Girl Glitter Blue” and break out my Saturday Night Fever dance moves. On occasion, Reader, not all the time. Those moves are to special to be overused. 

Today I had the day off from Tiny Town to TCB. And here it sits 9:30 and I’m still not packed. But I did get my hairs did by my other friendie Michele and it’s the best looking part of me right now. Except for my glittery blue nails. Those are sah-weet. 

My Mister and I had the following conversation this past Monday night that pertained to my upcoming vacation:

My Mister: “Since you’re going to be out of town, I bought myself a little toy.”

Me: “Is it a pocket pussy?”

My Mister: “Um. No. No, but close. I bought a Playstation 4 so I can play pinball games.”

We sometimes aren’t of the same wavelength. Thank goodness. 

Last night I was teaching My Mister how to smooch Kitty Purry while I’m gone, as I’m sure she’ll be craving some extra attention because I shower her with smooches and pets all day and night. Because she is an excellent cuddler. 

Holding up Kitty Purry, and demonstrating to My Mister:

“Kiss her here, on her cheeks, like this. And kiss this little white spot on her paw. She likes that. And give her a big smooch on the hairless part of her tummy, she likes that, too. But be sure not to kiss her on her exposed cat nipples when you’re kissing her tummy, because that crosses some sort of a line and I can’t have you inadvertently kissing her cat nipples. Be careful.” 

My Mister: “Purry and I have our own routine. It doesn’t involve me kissing her in any of the spots, especially on her naked stomach. She sits on my lap and I pet her. Don’t worry about us.”

Well, I’m just saying, she’s going to be a little starved for affection until I get home with that boring routine.  But better safe & boring I guess, than having his lips accidentally touch her on her nips. 

So I leave you with that for a whole entire week.  You’re welcome. 

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