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The Bang Bang Theories

House Guests

It’s official, Reader – I’m the proud owner of Chez Bang Bang, my little cape cod on the water. 

We got the keys Tuesday night, one harrowing day before my incredibly low interest rate expired, and then it would have been no house for Trixie & Her Mister, which would have really been a sad story. 

Ya wanna know another sorta sad story about Trixie and her house? 

When Trixie was house shopping and fell in love with the little cape cod on the water, with the beautifully wooded small backyard that drops off to a babbling creek – see photo here: 

Well, she didn’t fully think this through. 

Because ol’ Trixie really isn’t a nature lover. I mean, she (er, I) love the thought of nature. I love looking at nature. But I do not really enjoy experiencing nature.  At least certain aspects of nature, also known as spiders and snakes. And other things, but these two things for sure I don’t like. 

And yesterday while we were showing off the house to assorted company, My Mister announced that there’s a little family of black rat snakes living in a shrub. 

Me, panicked: “Er… what shrub exactly? How far from the house?”

My Mister: “Oh, it’s on the far side of garage, way far away. Don’t worry about it, these snakes are good for the house, they eat rodents and stuff.”

So I’ve got a family of “helper snakes” living out under a bush. 

And when we went to leave I asked him to show me exactly which bush, and guess what? He lied, and it’s a bush right next to the driveway. And they also like to go and hang out under the basketball hoop, which is right next to the driveway. 

There goes absolutely any thought of my doing any weeding or maintenance in the landscaped areas. 

But wait, it gets even better.  Because I mentioned these black rat snakes to my co-worker, as I’ve never really heard of them before and she clued me in that she, “is surprised to hear they are living under a bush, normally they hang out draped over limbs high up in the trees.” 

You know, like the trees that are here, precariously close to the deck:

She ever-so-helpfully advised me, “Ya know, just don’t pull on what you think might be a low-hanging limb, there’s a good chance it’s one of those black rat snakes.” 

Thanks. Thanks so much for the advice. 

Now I’m afraid of my house. 

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