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The Bang Bang Theories

Old & Swear-y

My Mister bought us $400ish dollars worth of tickets to see the Eagles perform the other night. $400ish dollars only gets ya two tickets, by the way.  Also, that was a pre-we-are-buying-a-house decision. Because $400ish dollars could get me part of a new refrigerator, which is more important than listening to some oldies-but-goodies sing some songs. 

But what’s done was done, so we went as a “last perk before house” evening out.

And we realized that maybe it’s a good thing we won’t have a ton of live concerts in our future. Because WE have definitely become Mr. & Mrs. Curmudgeon. 

First, let me restate: It was an EAGLES concert. Folksy, easy-listening type of music. No need for standing and blocking everyone’s view, except for maybe a little Life in the Fast Lane. Sit the fuck down during Desperado. Then we all can see. Because we had floor seats. And even if I stand up, my 5’3 self can’t see over your lurching 6′ wide & tall body. It’s simple physics. Or math. Something. It’s simple something. 

Second, dude and drunk 50-somethings standing right behind me? Kept trying to edge our chairs up, so they’d have more room for their shenanigans. And this is not hyperbole, the dude kept rubbing his big belly (God, I hope it was just his belly!) against my back and sort of on the back of my head.  I think he even tried to rest his arm on top of my head at one point. And his drunk date kept raising her cup of drink  to cheer on the band, holding it directly over My Mister’s head. 

Guess what happened next. 

Not the whole cup, just some dribbles. So I refused to finish my cuppa soda, I had to save it, because if that drink were to make a more prominent appearance on his/our heads, I was going to throw my entire Pepsi right on her. I had it all planned out in my mind, it was going to be epic. I was disappointed when I didn’t get to execute on plan. 

And lastly, here’s a newsflash, Concert Goers. Those 22-second snippet videos you’re taking of the concert? With their shitty pictures and garbled sound – the only really clear voices are the ones of the off-key drunks standing next to you – you’re impeding my enjoyment of the show while you fuck around holding your cameras up and out of your way, and into mine. 

No one wants to watch your stupid fucking nanosecond of a concert on Facebook. Let that sink in: No One. Wants to watch your dumb snap of a concert. If someone does “Like” your video/photo, or leave a comment that says “Awesome, Dude!” or some other nonsense – they’re just being socially polite. No one watches that shit. So put your phones away, and trying watching the show LIVE yourself. Use your memory. It’s there for a reason (until it’s not). 

To recap: 

  • Sit the fuck down. 
  • Shut the fuck up. 
  • Turn your camera phone the fuck off. 

The Curmudgeon’s. 

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