We’re back in business, Reader. And that business I’m referring to is the business of hearing.
It was hard being disabled, Reader. Yes, I did just compare my plugged-up waxy ear to a disability. Because I was deaf, and even though it was only temporary, it still counts. I applied for a handicapped sticker during my time of infirmary. They told me to incorporate better hygiene practices. I call discrimination and plan on marching on Washington on behalf of all of the waxy-earred’s who go unheard.
So anyway, I’m back to hearing all the noises of the world. Let me tell you what I learned while I was disabled.
I slept like a motherfucker when I couldn’t hear.
It was bliss.
I heard nothing, with my “good” ear smashed in the pillow. I think that’s the first time I really got into some serious REM sleep. I did wake up every couple of hours, after my REM cycle ended, and felt refreshed and ready to take on the day, even at 2 a.m. And then because I wasn’t assaulted by the noises of life, I dropped right back off to sleep, for another few hours of delicious REM.
It’s made me realize how poorly I sleep on a regular basis.
But once that wax plug plopped out due to extensive flushing, the world came to life. I could hear the future – crickets in the yard rubbing their little violin-string legs together. And it’s winter, Reader. I could hear ’em all the way from August.
So now I’m on an olive-oil in my ears regimen. That’s what you’re supposed to do, put a couple drops in the ears each week to keep ’em clean.
I promise not to share any details if any of my other orifices get gummed up with anything. Pinky swears.
