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The Bang Bang Theories

A Tale of Two Kitties

I’m a cocky, proud, insufferably gloaty mother right now, Reader, and I have been sitting with my feelings for the past few weeks.

My heart has been swollen with pride over two of my six three cats. I’m no math wizard, yet even I know that’s more than HALF of my cats, Reader, that have swelled up my ego.

While My Mister and I were on our vacation trippy in June and my Houseboy* was doing the job of his title of house-ing, which also means keeping the Bad Cat Smells under control, we received a front-porch gift bagged in grocery-store plastic.

*i’m living like lifestyles of the rich and famous, with a live-in house-helper now who’s also part of my family and believe you me, it’s made me even bossier and a lot less walk-up-the-stairsy-er as I can now bellow, “hey! take this upstairs for me!” or “hey! bring that downstairs for me!” 

Apparently, two of my three cats are charmers.  And they’ve charmed a little girl named Caitlin who lives several blocks over and takes walks with her mama down my street.

Caitlin won a gift card from school for good grades, and determined my cats have provided so much pleasure during her walks, she was going to spend part of her winnings on food and toys for them.

She wrote, “even if they are yours and not strays, thank you for taking care of the cats,”

and, “seeing all these cats on my walk makes me happy, even if they are not friendly,” 

and a special addendum at the end, “your black and calico cats are so cute!” heart emoji.

And now I love Caitlin and am so proud of two of my three cats, I want a bumper sticker for the back of my car that says, “Four of my three cats may be assholes, but two of them are neighborhood delights, so suck it, Dog Lovers!”


This note and treats have been sitting in my mind for a few weeks now, with my not adequately being sure I could tell the cute feels this RACK* has give me, and I’m sure this hasn’t done Caitlin and her mama justice with how stinkin’ adorable this move is, but i’m just trying to get my writing fingers back to working and all the words aren’t flowing like wine just yet.

*RACK = Random Act of Cat Kindness, and yes, I just made that up, consider this my trademark

Speaking of wine* I ordered a case of wine and it arrived yesterday and now there is no good reason that the words shouldn’t be flowing like wine. Or because of wine.

*see how I segued from cats to wine talk?? That’s a skill right there, Reader. 

But back to Caitlin, her mama, and my Good & Friendly Cats: Yay for all of them! 

****Lastly. Yes, four of my three cats go outdoors. No, I never thought I’d allow that either. No, it doesn’t mean that I love them less than you love your indoor-only cats. Yes, I’m aware of the predator risks. No, I can’t stop them from bulldozing me out of the way when I open the door. Yes, we live on a low-traffic street. Yes, they stick around the house mostly. Yes, they eat mice and moles and Gussy is a chipmunker. No, I don’t like that part of their cat behavior. Yes, Gussy has brought not one, but two live chipmunks into the house. Yes, I screamed and My Mister rescued and released one of the live chipmunks. Yes, the first time it happened and I heard a “squeak” and told My Mister, “there’s something in the house that doesn’t live in the house!” and he thought I was kra, and that maybe it was the smoke detector meeping.  No, it wasn’t the smoke detector meeping. Yes, My Mister discovered the remains and now he has another life skill. Yes, he now listens to me when I scream that, “there’s a noise in the house that shouldn’t be in the house!”  No, don’t @me with a bunch of your thoughts on indoor-only-you’re-a-bad-mama cat thoughts, i’ll ignore them so don’t waste your time. Gussy has informed me that the heart wants what the heart wants, and they wanna be indoor-outdoor cats.

Purry is enjoying the catnip while the Good & Bad Boys are outside:

The end of one cute cat story.

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