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The Bang Bang Theories

Party Down Below

I joined the goddamn gym and I get up in the mornings now – SOMETIMES BEFORE THE MOON HAS GONE TO BED – and take my half-asleep ass to the gym and work out BEFORE work and now I don’t even know who I am anymore because obviously I’ve been body-snatched as this voluntary behavior goes completely against the night-owl-lazy-girl current.

I should be there RIGHT NOW, as a matter-of-fact, but I’ve decided I need to write some words here before a blogger search party goes out for me, and also I’ve had a request from my one millions of  reader(s) to tell her what’s going on in my head so here we are! Blame Thank her for this mess.

Today is the day I need to start de-assembling my delightful deck, and also the day where I ask myself yet again why I live in a state where so much of the snow flies for so long. In super-exciting news, I could REALLY live anywhere … just pack up my crap and head in any direction.

Because guess what, Reader??


Exactly the way I’ve been manifesting that for myself every single day, launching up my rockets of desire and I actually drew a third-grade worthy photo of myself in said rocket, surrounded by dollar signs and the word “BONUSES” scribbled on it, and guess what came next, Reader?

I got a permanent fucking job with lots of dollar signs, AND BONUSES!!

Not to mention work I already know (it’s my contract job turned perm), a GREAT boss (literally those words were on my manifested list), REMOTE WORK, and I’ve established relationships and have almost a new work BFF. I mean, I think she is my new remote work BFF.  I proclaimed it to her one day, in my way of just stating, “Hey, we’re going to be friends whether you want to or not because I like you so just get used to the idea!” and it just worked and now we’re friendies.

It was really this news that prompted my decision to just join the gym and get up and do some stuff in the morning. One evening, I made a joke to the neighbor that I was on my way to the gym, when really I was going to the store for cake, and then on the way to the store I told myself, “Self, what if this isn’t a joke, and you just join the gym and go work out tonight instead?” and then that’s what I did. And then I went back the next day.  And I’ve kept getting up and going. Except for today, where I’m talking to you instead, Reader.

Now, getting a job didn’t inspire me to join the gym.

But working remotely for permanent did.

I’m using what would have been getting really ready for work and commuting time to gym it up. Then I come home and get good-enough-for-virtual-meetings ready for work. Which involves hair/makeup/jewelry/nice shirt, the same pair of shorts every single day and flip-flops on the bottom.

It’s the 2021 Mullet. Biz on top, party down below.

Did I mention I joined a gym and work out in the morning before work now? Yes, I’m going to be insufferably gloaty about it for forever a while at least.  Don’t feel too jealous of me yet, Reader. I’m still exactly the same fat as I was before I started working out. My fat just won’t quit me. It loves me long time. As I do you, Reader.


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