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The Bang Bang Theories

Remain Seated Until The Ride Has Come a Complete & Final Stop.

Because I have a million other, more important things nothing better to do with my time at the moment, Reader, while I was out on Day 3 walk of The Million Step March, I stopped and picked up some fallen pinecones.

And then instead of mopping my filthy floors tonight, it was way more fun to start crafting them into pinecone flower art.

Because Pinterest is the Devil’s Playground and has far too many things to distract a person from those dirty floors.

This is the vision, however I only found teensy weensy small sizes, and one pinecone style only so I guess I need to keep my eyes peeled for more variety.

And then actually make this happen one day.

As for the actual walking, let’s just say I have CRUSHED IT, Reader. Well on my way towards the 1,000,000 steps goal, surprising myself with how many steps I’ve actually been able to cram into my day, despite my bad feet and knees and guess what else I’ve recently realized is wrong with me? Bowed legs, Reader. I see myself in mirrors and while I haven’t been crazy about how I’ve looked, I chalked it up to not being … my optimum weight. I figured it was the fat keeping my legs from sticking straight together.

Nope. I decided to look into it a little more and discovered that it’s basically osteoarthritis coupled with lack of hip flexibility compounded by zero exercise and exacerbated by being a Fatty McButterpants.

So all those things have caused me to look re-fucking-diculous in and out of my pants.

While I waited for my pinecone glue to dry, I did some additional searching on Pinterest and Youtube and have found a good half dozen exercises to do to help strengthen the parts of me that are weak and loosen the parts that are uptight all I have to say is if it isn’t one motherfucking thing, it’s something else, Reader, and I mean, COME ON, Life, can’t we just agree at this point that I’ve had my fill of shit sandwiches to eat already? Now I have to contend with not-just-fat-but-bowed-legs-too.

So that’s what’s doing at Chez Bang Bang lately, Reader. I’m going to be doing all sorts of work to loosen up these tight hips, which My Mister will probably appreciate, and strengthen up the calves and do some other crap the Internets said to do and maybe, just maybe, I can stop looking so ridiculous. If it doesn’t help, I’ll take my solace in the seated position creating pinecone art, and no one will be able to see my bendy-outty legs from this position.

It’s always good to have a back up plan, Reader.



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