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The Bang Bang Theories


Holy Roller, Reader.  We are sitting here twenty days into the New Year and today I started on some sort of an official Diet Plan, which yuck and also bleck.

I need to make some moves if I wanna walk around neeked all the time, which is what I am prone to do.  Not that the cats are complaining around here, but you know. I just need to be less physically me.  I have a – ahem – blatety-blah-blah-number-of-years high school reunion this summer. Now the good news is, my peeps have all seen the current version of me, so that’s out of the way. But it also seems like a good benchmark time to make some improvements.

Living alone in Florida sure didn’t improvement me physically. I was the exact same. Which could also be considered a win. Because since I’ve been home I think I’ve gained about five solid pounds, and that is not the direction we want to be moving.

Tonight I just had my spinach and pork chop and mushrooms for dinner and it was good, but it’s that dern ol’ sweet tooth that has a-hold of me. So Diet Me made my dessert my – wait for this – my METAMUCIL Fiber Thins Apple Crisp Cookie thing my dessert.

Because that’s how we’re rolling over here.  Just like a badass boss who wants to avoid constipation.

So that’s what’s doing over here.  I promise not to bore you with diet-y details because no one gives any shits about what I’m eating, except maybe you ARE giving some shits about my eating a Metamucil cookie – one of us will most certainly be giving some shits about that – and there you have it.

I should be good and cranky by Thursday, if not sooner.  As if the year hasn’t been angsty enough already, let’s just keep it rolling with a grouchy-making diet plan.

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