Hi Reader, Good Morning!! Yes, it actually IS morning when I’m typing those words. I’ve turned over a new leaf. Well, actually I’ve been turning over A LOT of leaves this past week.
It’s been my “nice day in Cle” mission to get a jump on my yard work, doing it in stages because there’s just. so. much. I have a “city” yard, which doesn’t sound like much and normally isn’t, except I have a double lot and a bazillion trees. Someone said, “Oh, look at all this green space you have here!” and it’s more like BROWN space because of all the dead leaves piled up everywhere.
The leaves, like the mail, they just keep coming. We did Fall Cleanup. And then more leaves would fall. And we’d Fall Cleanup again. And more leaves would fall. I guess that’s why the season is named Fall. I think I just got that, lol.
At some point in the Fall – around November, when the snows started – I decided to just leave what was left, as it’s better for the wildlife anyway or so I read and it seemed like a good enough reason to me to stop with the endless raking. And lemme just say, I did have hordes of birds feasting in my yard back in Jan/Feb so there’s something to be said for just leaving it be.
But now that Spring is coming, and since I have the luxury of time, I want the yard to be ready before I start working again. No, I don’t have a job yet, and in fact I just got my “Nope, Not You” rejection from the city of Cleveland, which I actually thought I had a strong shot of getting until the 2nd interview when the guy just didn’t like me from the get-go. There was no charming him. Which is somewhat impossible to comprehend, because I’m quite a delight. Ahem.
So the story goes. I’m still unemployed, but trying to get ahead of Life this year, and was outside yesterday as the sun was a-shining and the leaves needed a-raking out from my landscaping that stretches all across the front of the house.
At one point I worked up a little sweat, so I took off my sleeveless puffy jacket thing that I was wearing to keep me warm, yet nimble for raking.
I wear this sometimes because it makes me feel like I’m twinning with Debra Winger in An Officer and a Gentleman. She wore that sleeveless jacket like a boss, and therefore so do I, without giving any effs if it’s stylish or not. It caught her an Officer and a Gentleman.
Except her jacket wasn’t as puffy.
Regardless, I keep waiting for Zack Mayo-NAISE to come and swoop me up and make sweet, sweet love to me. So far I’m still waiting.
Anyway, I was talking about blowing leaves….
Since I was working up a sweat, I took off my puffy vest and hung it up on my lamp post.
And then I got back to blowing and raking.
I was absorbed in my work.
And then something caught my peripheral vision.
I jumped with a start, and a ‘Fuck!” on my lips.
Someone was behind me!!
Creeping up close on me!!!
And I thought, “Well, here it is! All Jabs’ talk about my getting my b-hole raped in my own house because I don’t have strong enough curtains on my windows was coming true, except it was going to happen right outside in the light of day, in my very own front yard!”
I whirled around with a, “Oh, no, you won’t!” attitude and my fists raised in defense. I did not have my $10 b-hole-saver whistle on me because who needs that in her very own front yard??
I faced my potential accoster.
And discovered it was my very own puffy jacket that had turned into the enemy.
Once I beat the hell out of that jacket, I decided maybe I’d done enough for one day.
Later, as I was recounting the scary puffy vest drama to My Mister, I gave him a pop quiz:
Trixie BB: “Guess which movie character I’m channeling when I’m wearing my puffy vest?”
My Mister, without missing a beat: “Marty McFly.”
Hard to argue, Reader. And we can totally tell which 80’s movies held the most influence over us.
It’s probably safe to assume I have a better chance of getting a hoverboard than I do getting Richard Gere.