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The Bang Bang Theories

Run Between the Raindrops

Reader, we are NOT EVEN going to talk about this weather we’re having, because we’re all having some form of it and I’m not here to tell you about something you already know and hate.

Unless what you already know and hate is the fact that I had the fortunate opportunity to travel ONCE AGAIN to another tropical destination. Then yes, I’m going to tell you a smidgen about what you already know and hate.

Most of the days were this pretty:

Because we were in a Tropical Paradise, that’s why.

But then SOME of the days were like this:

All splashy and churny with CLOUDS and even some rain drops.

I managed to make due, despite the one day I (and several other folks) got sick with a stomach virus and threw up all of my insides and spent one whole afternoon and evening lying in bed watching every single episode of North Woods Law, and now I feel like I intimately know the Game Wardens of New Hampshire and Maine and #1/ one of them should be my next husband* and #2/ people are crazy** and #3/ a lot of the times I felt that the wardens were really just picking on people*** and #4/ I know everything there is to know about what makes a lobster trap illegal****.

*I’ll take this one, please:

…..and yes, I know, I know…I have a “type” and it unfortunately often involves polyester uniforms and short hair. The part…er, I mean heart…wants what the part…er heart…wants.

**she is one of the ka-ray-zeeee train people living up there in the North Woods, who “rescued” an injured squirrel and then had a meltdown that she didn’t get to keep it and the cutie officers had to convince her to release her squirrel back to the wild.

***one of the episodes had one of the wardens checking in on a camper, who wasn’t doing anything at all illegal, and was just hanging out in her tent, and they spent an inordinate amount of time making sure she wasn’t being kidnapped by merely asking her, “Are you being held against your will?” and then they didn’t even look INSIDE the tent. They left when she insisted she was just camping with her dog.

****Lastly, it’s illegal to use zip ties to secure your lobster traps. So don’t do it, a-holes lobster catchers, or your traps will be pulled right on up out of the water and TAGGED and you will get a firm talking to.

Man alive, I should really be a North Woods Game Warden, with as much as I learned from one afternoon being sick. Because that’s how being qualified works, right? Watch t.v., think you know it all, start issuing citations.


Okay, I guess I won’t be gettin deputized. Sheesh.

Back to what I’m good it, which is not, by the way, writing stories while I’m on vacation. I always THINK I’ll have pee-lenty of time to tell you Things, Reader, but then I never pulled my iPad out of it’s bag. It just sat there, unloved and quiet.

I did witness many pretty landscapes, and saw may pretty sunsets, and frolicked around in many pretty turquoise waters and I even said YES to parasailing, because what if this is my last go-round at Turks & Caicos? I mean, it could be, prices are going up, things change, and I was not going to parasail but went along for the ride when my Roomy was going, because why miss a boating experience. Except then I was on there and thought, “If not now, when??” and said YES to the dress and got strapped into the harness and was floating up in the sky.

I wasn’t exactly afraid of doing it, it was more of, “Eh, should I spend $75 when I’m most likely going to be unemployed again soon because I hate my boss with every fiber of my being?”  – that was the question on my mind, not, “Should I do it, what if something goes wrong and I die??”

I decided to just go for it and it did not disappoint:

And then the trip was over, and I had to go back to work and then I was fired from my job by 9:15 a.m. Monday morning.

Yes, I knew it was coming. No, it didn’t have anything to do with my taking vacation. That was negotiated on the front end.

Yes, it’s a bunch of bullshit on their end and they know it, which is why I’m getting a healthy amount of severance and backpay because they have not paid me the correct salary since I started, which I bitchily kindly brought to their attention.

Yes, my boss hated me as much as I hated him. Maybe. My hatred runs pretty deeply, so it’s hard to say if it’s equal. But since he couldn’t even be present in the room with me when I was getting canned via a conference call, I’d say it’s pretty clear he despised his hiring decision.

Monday afternoon I had an interview, and was offered a new job last night.  I had to turn it down, the pay wasn’t enough to even make my mortgage payment, but the good news is I can get a new damn job when I want one, and the next time I’m going to listen to my insides and when they are screaming NO, I’m going to heed that warning. I knew this boss was not a good fit with me, yet I squashed my inner voice, but it did a few good things. #1/ it paid to get Toby’s cat weiner fixed up back in December, and #2/ it bought me some additional unemployment weeks and #3/ gave me 100% clarity on what I will not tolerate in a workplace.  ~hint: a jerk asshole boss who puts every single person on edge~

So that’s that. Here we sit again, in 2019, the first trip of the year under my belt and freshly unemployed.  I’ve got this, though, Reader. I’m rather excellent with unexpected changes.

And now I’m going to figure out the next chapter to the story.

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