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The Bang Bang Theories

What I’ve Had In My Mouth Lately

Reader, while I may not be going to a traditional job each day, I am making each day a learning opportunity. Because continuing education is very important for personal development.*

*see how I can still sound all corporate-y?? skillz, yo.

What I’ve learned today is that I do, in fact, dislike pesto. It’s no longer a mystery, I have reached a definitive conclusion on the subject.

Pesto has been like curry for me.  Everyone talks it up to such a degree that surely I’m missing something, and so I keep trying.

And trying.

And trying.

Because my mouth is not a quitter.

Until it finally quits.

I’ve had restaurant pesto, and World Market pesto, and other pestos and today I made my own to see if perhaps that’s the missing link to my liking pesto.

When my kump’ney was over last weekend, she and I took a trip to the Market and she was super-excited to find garlic scapes to make garlic scape pesto with. So I followed suit and figured THIS must be the missing link to my liking pesto.

I’ve been on a cooking-at-home spurt because finances, and even though we had enough cheesy potatoes and stuffed peppers to have as leftovers today, I decided it was the time to use the garlic scapes before they went to waste.

I followed a recipe and everything, except I followed one with a twist, using pistachio’s instead of pine nuts. I like both nuts equally, and thought the garlicky scapes might blend well.

I loosely chopped up the scapes, threw all the ingredients into the Vitamix and whirled.

And it got thick.

And glumpy.

I drizzled in the oil.

It was still glumpy.  And a little stringy looking from the scapes.

I added in more oil.

And an uncalled for squirt of lemon because it felt like it needed it.

Then a few basil leaves because after first taste, it still needed something else.

More salt was added.

I was not feeling confident in this but forged ahead with my spaghetti noodles and got those going on.

My Mister walked into the kitchen and declared it smelled like a garlic whorehouse.*

He didn’t really say anything that creative, but we’re taking creative liberties here.

*I’m not sure what a garlic whorehouse would exactly smell like, other than a lot lot lot of garlic covering up the smell of disillusionment.

Finally I determined that was as good as the garlic scape pesto was going to get, and mixed it all up with the noodles.

My Mister: “It looks good.”

Me: “It’s still glumpy. I don’t know how to make it less glumpy. Is it supposed to be glumpy???”

My Mister: “Well, I wish I could stay and try some, but I’ve gotta run off to work!”

Do we think that was a coincidence, Reader??

I mashed it around in the noodles with a fork and decided to get a back-up plan in place in the form of a piece of toast (from the toaster oven, not an actual toaster because remember I can’t have one because cats) and added lotsa lotsa butter to the toast with fresh garlic and a slice of provolone and toasted that up.

Taking my little dinner out to the deck to give it some ambiance didn’t help.

I’m not saying it’s awful. For weirdos folks that enjoy pesto, it’s probably quite tasty.

But Trixie Bang Bang had BLECK to say about it, and finished up her cheesy garlic toast and threw her plate of pesto right in the trashie can because did she mention BLECK??

Now SHE ….. er I … smell like a garlic whorehouse and my tongue tastes like the garlic is never ever ever going to come off it.


I am going to try to drown the taste of that glumpy blecky pesto with my pineapple coconut cake that I made this afternoon too.  Well, I’m in the process of frosting it up. In the process of my continuing education, I’ve learned that I also did not adequately space out the pineapple filling, and feel like I’m missing a frosting layer somewhere inside there, but I’m not sure where or how.

Additionally, the recipe never once suggested that I’m going to have all these uneven layers and I have no idea how that’s going to become a same-depth cake edge, but I guess I’ll be using that frosting like mortar and practice my masonry skills.

Because I take my education seriously, Reader. And my cakes.

But we both know that already, don’t we.

To recap, we’ve learned today that pesto is blecky, the same as curry, and cake filling spacing is challenging.

I think that’s a lotta learning for one day. I’ve put my tongue through a lot today.

No wonder I’m tired.

2 thoughts on “What I’ve Had In My Mouth Lately

  1. Can’t help you with the presto but if you want even layers for your cakes, get an old terry cloth towel , cut it in strips as wide as the side of thre pan. After you fill thre pan with batter, wet the strips with cold water, wiping them out and pin them around the outside of the pan. Bake as usual. It’s magic!

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