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The Bang Bang Theories

Wax Off

As I left off on that last post, Reader, we were engaged in a one-sided convo, chatting about how I sometimes like to wax things, and also take a stroll down memory lane.

Sometimes I’m curious about the past and I like to sit back, drink a cuppa fresh-brewed  with my NEW favorite coffee creamer and see what lives out there on the interwebs.  It’s the waxing. Of the nostalgia. Maybe especially more so this time of the year.

But before we get involved in the waxing, let’s circle back to the sentence about my new favorite coffee creamer.  Because this? Is Big News. At least Big News in the World According to Bang Bang.*

You may or probably may not recall that I have a love of flavored coffee creamers, in particular Almond Joy. It brings my mouth mucho joy in the early hours of the morn when I’m trying to convince mah body it’s time to participate in the day.

I’ve tried to quit the flavored creamers. And then my mouth was sad, and my body was sad, and I heard an ex-friend, who’s an “ex” because she turned into an a-hole, lament that she would never sacrifice coffee because, “Sometimes that cuppa coffee is the best part of my day!”

So I stopped trying to love my coffee without my Almond Joy creamer. Because why have a less than stellar start to the day?!

But for some reason I don’t even know why, I picked up an unflavored coffee creamer when I was shopping recently.  I think they didn’t have any flavors that appealed to me – I’m quite picky with my flavors, actually, and do not like the ones you would think I would love. I guess I figured what the eff, which is often what I think nowadays about many things.

So I am coffee-creamer picky.  For instance, I happily and eagerly tossed in a large bottle of the new Reeses Peanut Butter cup flavored creamer. That sounded like a party in my mouf.

Except it wasn’t, and I thought it was awful, and took it to work for someone else to enjoy. One mouf’s trash and all that.

Recently, in deference to trying to have less sugary blood, I even tried out the sugar-free vanilla version of coffee creamer, because trying for better health. I don’t really want a buncha sugars hitting my bloodstream first thing in the morning. If I do, I’ll save that for donut’s job.

But that sugar free creamer? Blech! I hated the aftertaste, therefore hated my coffee, therefore hated my start to the day, and kept hearing “And what if this was the best part??”

So back to sugars. Until I was shopping, and decided to put this in my cart:


Now, I do not know WHAT is in this – it has 15 calories, is lactose free yet contains milk, contains zero grams of sugar, yet it has corn syrup listed as an ingredient, so super-confusing. How can something have corn syrup but zero grams of sugar? I think it’s a labeling trick.

Well, regardless, these trickers have made a coffee creamer that I PREFER now over my beloved Almond Joy.  So despite it containing corn syrup, I figure it has to be somewhat more of the healthy option vs. a flavored creamer. Now, I know, Healthy Readers, it’s not ideal, and I should Cowboy Up and drink it black, or with milk squooze from a nut.

That’s not going to happen. Because see above, what if this cuppa coffee is the best part of my day, and I’ve now taken away this little bit of deliciousness. So save your preachin’. I’ve got enough other bad habits you can focus on.

READER. We are now close to 700 words. Again. So I can’t get back – again – to the original intent of this, which was to share my waxing nostalgia.

You now have even more to look forward to this weekend. You’re welcome.



*I hold firmly in my belief that the World According to Bang Bang is way more interesting and important than Garp. Who is Garp, anyway??  

***Woah! I just read a synopsis of The World According to Garp, and I think I stand corrected – that is slightly more interesting than TBB’s World! That is, if you’re interested in best-selling novels that are based around perpetual autonomic sexual arousal.  

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