Today whilst driving around town, I said to My Mister:
“Yesterday I performed a Random Act of Kindness!”
My Mister, without skipping a beat, “I doubt that.”
“How dare you, Sir! I did indeed perform that Oprah-worthy act! And it was on my very own birthday to boot!”
My Mister, “What did you do, donate a $100 towards mosquito netting for small African children again?”**
Trixie Bang Bang: “Um, NICER. You know that shitty manicure that I got last week, that chipped and peeled completely off and I sent you a picture of the remains of 30 wasted dollars?
TBB: “Well, the random act of kindness was, I decided on the drive home last night NOT to stop at the nail place, open the door and throw this shitty polish all over their floor and run out.”
MM, turning to me in disbelief: “I’m pretty sure that’s not how kindness works! You don’t get credit in kindness for NOT going out of your way to be an asshole to someone!”
TBB: “I”m pretty sure you DO get credit for NOT acting like the asshole you want to be!”
MM: “Nope, no credit for being a normal human.”
TBB: “Let’s agree to disagree.”
**there’s a whole story surrounding my generous contribution to African children’s well-being. Maybe we’ll get to that one day.
***now, Reader. Before you get all up in arms with me about having the desire to be an asshole towards the nail shop, there’s the rest of the story. I had a manicure/shellac on Saturday. She did a crap-ass job filing, leaving them sharp and pointy on the edges, even after I pointed it out to her and asked her to file them properly. She whispered the file past the tips, having zero impact. She was doing just enough to get by. It started chipping on Sunday. Monday after work I stopped in to show them and the owner was a little confrontational about it. I excused it for a possible culture communication gap, but I was starting to get heated up at him. Well, short story longer, she redid them, painting over the top of the polish that was on there. I thought this was the wrong method. I was correct. By Wednesday, chips. By Thursday, more. By Friday, lifting off. Ergo, my random act of kindness opportunity. The Universe works in mysterious ways, indeed.
**** p.s. – I have a key chain that says, “throw kindness around like confetti.” And a shirt that says “Be A Nice Human.” Some days the struggle is real, Reader.