In case you didn’t know, tomorrow is not only Thursday, but it’s a pretty big-damn-deal day.
I’m the big-damn-deal.
I know this will be hard to believe because of my youthful persona and wrinkle-free face, but tomorrow I turn fiddy.
I should be on a beach in Cancun, with my swim-out pool and hot-tub time machines.
My friendie and other love made me the perfect birthday card.
Yes, he used my post-surgery spider wound to make the zero in fiddy.
Now you know exactly what I had going on with my footsy.
And why it was deemed to looked like a really fucked up vagina.
And that I love people with horrifying senses of humor and artistic talents.
And now you’ve seen more than you ever bargained for, but unfortunately you can’t unsee it.
And that in a few short hours I’ll be officially fifty.
So be nice. I’m an old lady. Help me cross some streets.