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The Bang Bang Theories

Dumb Dum Da Dumb

I really never anticipated delivering this news, Reader, but it has finally happened: I’m getting married.

I know, right?? Me too!

It’s just …. sometimes you know it’s right.

About two years ago I thought I was ready to commit. But after we got to know each other a bit better, it just didn’t perform consistently to my expectations.

Oh, my new love and I have a few ups & downs, but basically because our relationship is so consistently good even the “downs’ are actually ups. I just have too much. That’s my big down.

While I’m not normally a lady of mystery (or even just a lady. ahem.), I’ve alluded to our relationship in several posts already, but last night really cemented the deal for us.

Last night, I asked my new Instant Pot to be my wife.

We’ve spent quite a bit of time together since she arrived, and I have to say, other than once overcooking my stir-fry vegetable – my own fault, Reader, not hers! – we have enjoyed a perfect relationship.

From chicken soup in 25 minutes, to fork-tender flank steak, stuffed cabbage in 30 minutes, fresh beets in 40 minutes cooked to the perfect density, frozen chicken to done in under 40, tender and flavorful ribs on a worknight….well, Reader the list goes on.  Last night we tried Taco Bell Peppers, and they were ah. mazing.  I had purchased four giant bell peppers from the farmers market last week and needed to turn them into a meal.

IMG_0821 I made up the recipe, wanting a different spin on traditional stuffed peppers since we’ve had stuffed cabbages recently.  Mexican rice instead of white. A little sausage in with the meat. Fresh corn, black beans and Mexican cheese, and of course, taco seasoning. For the sauce, I used a mix of petite diced tomatoes, tomato soup and enchilada sauce.

I had to cut each pepper in half because they were gigantic.

A bit of black olives for garnish when they were done, and it was dinner in 20 minutes. Again. Except for the prep part, of course.


Add some Fritos for crunch, and a dollop of sour cream if you’d like.

There is some magic that goes on in that Instant Pot, Reader. I’m not sure what it is, but all the flavors are just locked in there instead of escaping into the wild. My friend The Healthy Hoff has been touting her Instant Pot for quite some time, but I didn’t make the leap until Amazon Prime Day when it was dirt cheap, because I already have a lot of gadgets and most of them have let me down at some point (hence, the two-years ago reference).

Two years ago I tried the Nuwave Oven Cooking thing and it worked well for making a turkey, and it does a nice job browning, and I thought about making it my new wife, since it can cook from frozen to done, no thawing necessary. But then I had a dry pork chop in it and didn’t quite love it as much. It’s in the garage now, because I really don’t like big appliances sitting out on my countertop, which begs the question my brother asked, ‘Why oh why, did you buy a Kitchenaid stand mixer?? You KNOW you aren’t going to allow that on your counter!”

He’s right, by the way, which is why it is still sitting unopened in the box in the foyer. I cannot commit to it. I mean, I think I would enjoy having it. If it could magically disappear from my countertop when not in use.

You may be asking how the Instant Pot is different from a slow cooker. Well, first, you don’t have to cook your meals for 8 damn hours, turning them into mush. You can have the slow-cooker effect, of dinner in a jiffy, but without cooking the hell out of everything – nor do you have to know the night before what you may want to make. With my new wife, I can just wing it. Oh, and p.s., she also doubles as a slow cooker, should the desire strike. I don’t know why that desire would strike, but she’s multi-functional, so there.

So yes. I plan on preparing my vows later today, and making the Instant Pot my new Wife. Now if she would just bring me a martini when I got in after work, we’d have the perfect marriage.

Just don’t tell Mitchell’s Salted Carmel ice cream, because I promised myself to it a long time ago. And then I cheated on it. Because I’m apparently fickle and a little bit whore-y. So I guess what we can glean is, I’m set to make the Instant Pot my wifey, but if something new comes along that can actually make me a drink when I get in after work, I may just marry that one, too. Basically I’m a polygamist at heart, and want all the wives and husbands who satisfy my mouth at the moment. Maybe we’ll get a reality show one day, with salted carmel, lavendar honey, the Instant Pot and me. We can call it Trixie’s 8 Cats & Counting & the Instant Pot Wife, and I have fickle affairs with various flavors of ice cream and shame the Kitchenaid mixing stand into staying in the cupboard.

Come over for food, Reader. I’ve got Taco Bell Peppers, more stuffed cabbages, a giant pan of lasagna and other assorted foods in the fridge. It’s my wedding reception buffet ready to go.

All that’s missing is the cake. Which is quite frankly a shame and I should probably go and buy one for myself since I am soon to be a married woman and all.

2 thoughts on “Dumb Dum Da Dumb

  1. I will have to check into that instant pot. When you get the invitations ready I want to be a bridesmaid. I will carry whatever appliance down the aisle. I prefer a black dress so keep that in mind.

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