Enjoying a late dinner with My Mister tonight, I was trying to eat a rice dish with chopsticks. Which is frankly a ridiculous feat, Reader.
I was trying to be fancy.
Instead, my rice dish was tasting like wood.
That is, the teensy small mouthfuls I could shovel into my cakehole.
Me: “Ya know, the Chinese are awfully smart.”
Me: “So why couldn’t they invent chopscoops?? Why work so hard to grasp a teensy piece of rice? I’ve got things to do, I can’t sit here and
drink eat all night.”
I mean, it would have been nice to be able to sit there all night, I was enjoying my Butterfinger Martini, but I had to get home and finish up my job, which is in progress right now on another screen.
I’m a true multi-tasker, Reader. I’m petting a cat with my foot, too. So now don’t you feel one-dimensional?
You probably don’t, and actually shouldn’t, because this is really nothing to brag about. But I did commit to writing every dern night here and I’ll be dag-nabbed if I fail so soon into the month.
Hey, I never said it was going to be quality, Reader. Quantity is all I promised.
A wholelotta me. You’re welcome.
In other news, I booked my yearly girlie-friendie trip yesterday and so I began my workout routine last night.
I did some suck-ins.
It’s a new routine I am going to patent, which I’m certain will evolve into an entire franchise complete with my starring in fitness videos and designing workout clothing, which will all basically double as pajamas. Watch out, Lululemon. MooMooTrixie is fast on your heals. I just need to find a few more routines to add to the suck-ins and it will be set for launch.
If you want to begin trying them at home yourself, it goes a little something like this:
Basically, you suck in your stomach to the count of ten (or three, whatever you can do, we are a safe zone, no judging) while you’re brushing your teeth or laying in bed watching t.v., and count it as exercise. Do a few reps. Count and hold.
This morning I stepped up my suck-in routine since last night’s was so successful and I actually sucked in, held to a count of ten (or something, I sort of lost count, it was BC*) while bending over to feed the cats. So it’s practically like I did a Crossfit workout right here at home.
In fact, I’m doing my suck-ins RIGHT NOW, so add that to my multi-tasking routine. Whew!
I’ll keep you posted as I add additional routines to the mix. We may need to start a workout cycle together, and we can motivate each other with YOU SUCK badges, with the more YOU SUCK badges you collect earning you a slice of cake at the end of the week.
I haven’t worked out the specifics, because frankly I’m making up the rules RIGHT NOW (more multi-tasking!), but you had better believe when I really sit down and
drink think, this is going to be EPIC.
Or I will suck myself into a herniated something in my innards.
That’s a clear possibility. I think. I’m not an official doctor, unless you count self-diagnosing Web MD. I mean, I almost diagnosed my skin cancer that was just a rash. I’m practically certified (crazy).
And on that note, my day here is done. Sleep tight. And by tight, I mean from doing your suck-ins. Get started or you’ll be envying my bikini body this summer and wishing you had sucked along with me.