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The Bang Bang Theories

Back Door

Last night I got a Cleveland Steamer from Girl Cat.  

I’m not sure if a Cleveland Steamer is exactly the right phrase, because I’m not sure if the exact right phrase even exists, but I know for sure she didn’t give me a Dirty Sanchez, because I just looked that up on Urban Dictionary and first, EWWWWW and second, WHY and third, Thank GOD I have never had the need to know what that is. 

I’ll wait for you go get back from checking it out. You know you’re going there right now.  

Okay, are you good and grossed out now?  I hope so. This will now seem like a pleasant little read.

So back to it. Last night Girl Cat gave me some sort of a Steamer.

You see, Kenny was over and the cat was around. I said, “I smell poop!” And he said, “Eh, boy, we’d better check it out.” 

We hauled her into the bathroom and did our routine: He holds the front part, and lucky me, I get to do the dirty work. But not the Dirty Sanchez work.The front part isn’t really a great time, either, by the way, because she’s a biter. Hard. She means business when you’re messing around her business.

I lifted her tail and saw the culprit holding onto her fur.  Using a baby wipe, I plucked it out. And then I figured I’d better tidy up the fur area just a bit with some new baby wipes, and I guess all that tugging and wiping around back there …. well, the next thing ya know, she fired liquid shit right out of her ass and it landed in a steaming splatter on my arm.

Reader. I’ve never. Ever. Ever. had hot steaming poop shoot out of an ass and land on me.

Reader. I could live the rest of my life happily without ever experiencing that again. In fact, I dearly hope that’s the case.

Kenny has said before, “With Great Fur, Comes Great Responsibility.”

Yes. yes it does. And tolerance. And fortitude. And other words I’m not quite sure of, but something more, because, Reader, that was an event.  And now I’ve shared it with you, so it’s almost like we experienced it together, only not really because I’m the only one who had to shower afterwards.  

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