web analytics
The Bang Bang Theories


It’s my Birfday Weekend, Reader. Which means a time for cake, more cake, cake some more, general shenanigans, and then reality, also known as Driver’s License Renewal Time. 

I hate Responsibility smack-dab in the middle of Frosting. But lucky enough, I remembered on Saturday that I needed to get my license renewed, as well as new stickers for my plates.  Renewing my license comes with it’s own style of stress. I don’t want a sucky picture, because I have to show everyone every time I try to buy beer.  So I had to pay special attention to making an effort, like having clean hair, and throwing on some clothes that will help me attempt to look like I weigh what my driver’s license says. 

I got to the BMV..or DMV…or whatever it’s called with fifteen minutes to spare before closing.  I was primped and ready to pose for my four-year photo.  And then I saw that fucking eye test machine and my brain said, “Oh, Fuck.” 

Yep. I’d forgotten all about that stupid eye test, which had the possibility of making me non-renewable. I can see fine, Reader, just fine – I’m not going to be expected to read teensy weensy Line 5 Random Letters while I’m driving. They should have more realistic eye test things, like reading a great big word STOP or street names. Not 5BF9o(or is it a zero?)5tbfx8(or is it a six?).  Who SEES that while driving? No one, Reader. That’s who. 

But before I even made it over to the eye test, my renewal trip hit a snafu. 

BMV lady: “Did you get an e-check?” 

TBB: stares at her. 
BMV lady: “Because you need one before I can give you a new sticker.” 
TBB’s Brain: Looks at sign about the penalty for supplying fraudulent documents.  Wonders if that counts just for lying, too. 
BMV lady: “Ma’am?”
TBB: “Uh. Why would I need to do that on a relatively new car?” 
BMV lady: “We just started doing it on 2010’s. See how your paper that you handed me say’s “E-Check – and it’s marked YES.” 
TBB: “Uhhhh. Yes. yes! I did get one! It was great!”
BMV lady: “The computer says ya didn’t.” 
TBB’s Brain: so basically that question was entrapment. shakes fist in frustration. 
BMV lady: “But I can still renew your license, step over to the eye test machine.”
TBB’s Brain: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. 

So I stepped over to the eye machine, trying my best to charm her along the way, all ha-ha-ha’ing and whatnot. 

I pressed my forehead to the machine and my brain thought, “Piece of cake! – I can see all those top lines just fine.” 

Then the BMV lady said, “Read Line 5.” 

TBB: “Line 5?? The teensy line in the dark??! Well, there’s just no way in the world I’m going to pass this, I can tell you right now.” 

BMV lady: “Oh, wait, let me turn the light on.”

TBB: ~shew~

Once the light was on, Line 5 only got marginally better. So I used my strategy of reading really fast, so her brain would be a step behind my words. 

Unfortuately, her brain sort of caught up. 

BMV lady: “Wanna try that again?” 

TBB: “Not really…but here goes.   B587960CVX8…” 

BMV lady: “could that 8 be a 6?” 

TBB: “Yep, I think that is a 6, I misspoke!” 

After a couple harrowing tries, and blaming it on allergies?? – because there’s a foot of snow on the ground right now, so all those snow pollens are flying around in the air – she passed me. 

It’s not going to go well four years from now, Reader. I can see THAT plain as day.

So I’m legal to drive, Reader. I hope my car does better on her e-check test than I did on my eye test. 

3 thoughts on “Renewal.

Comments are closed.

Scroll To Top