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The Bang Bang Theories

You’ll Wanna Skip This One.

I was chatting with some guy friends of mine. And somehow or another the subject of girls with smelly vaginas came up.  Yeah, I don’t know, Reader, I don’t know how. It just did. I may have brought it up. As in, “Hey, what’s the worst thing that you’ve ever smelled down there?” and then the subject came up.

Guy Friend #1 said that he was with the hottest girl ever, but it was a bad situation down there. But she was so good looking that he gave it another go, only he decided to start the date in the shower, figuring he could fix it all up down there.

It didn’t work. 

So now I know if I ever get invited into the shower as foreplay, I’d better pay better attention to my hygiene.  Thanks a lot for the extra paranoia, Guy Friend #1. 

Then Guy Friend #2 said that he dated a girl who had a bad situation down there. But he loved her, so he just didn’t get his nose close to the situation after the first time. He stayed above the belt line, although the aroma was so pungent that he could smell it during doggy-style.

So I asked them both, “Did you ever just tell the girls?” 

I don’t know why I thought that was a viable option. Do it for humanity? Something noble like that?  

They both shot me a look with crazy-eyes, like they were looking at someone who’d just lost their mind right at that exact moment.

I suggested a witty little icebreaker that would get them laughing at the shared joke, and almost sounding flattering:

“Why don’t ya say, “Baby, you put the P.U. in Pussy!” But say it all sexy like.”

After they were done laughing and laughing, she’d go to the bathroom, freshen up the situation and they’d live happily ever after. 

Or not. It may end much, much differently. 

Hey, I can’t solve all the world’s problems. 

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