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The Bang Bang Theories

That’s the Way the Cookie Crumbles

He asked, disbelief and exasperation in his voice, “Are you buying more Double Stuf Oreos??”

“It’s because I love animals,” she explained in an exceedingly slow and patient voice, to help him understand the obvious. 

It’s not that she needed more Oreos.  They had already polished off a package between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Her lack of need for more was evidenced by her need to wear sweat pants in public places after this indulgent holiday season.  

Sweat pants on Christmas Day. Tan velour, to be exact. Paired with fluffy pink socks and brown slip-on sneakers. Where even a drunk at the bar they frequent as part of their holiday tradition gave her the once-over, twice, and not in a “Hey, Good Lookin'” kinda way.  In a judgy way. 

Thanks, Vegan Oreos.  If she didn’t love animals so damn hard, she just might be able to fit back into pants. And gain the good graces of drunks on Christmas. 

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