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The Bang Bang Theories

Something Old, Something New

I’ve been like a pioneer woman lately, Reader, all busy roughing it and whatnot. Because our dryer broke a couple of weeks ago, and even though the dryer decided to stop participating in life, clean undies must go on. Literally and figuratively. So I was washing and having to hang up the wash on the clotheslines in the basement and that makes the clothes hard and I don’t really like hard clothes. 

I was prepared to see how long we could go on like old fashioned days here, but then I wanted to wash my $300 sheets and I didn’t pay $300 to sleep on hard bamboo sheets, I want soft & fluffies to rest my head at night. Not to mention I don’t think I have enough clothesline to hang ’em down there. 

So enough was enough and we went to buy a new dryer yesterday.

Only that became the debate of, “well, why don’t we just get a new matching washer, the set is at least 15 years old?” So I longingly looked at new washers, too. 

Gas dryers are ‘spensive, Reader.  Ditto on these new-fangled washers. 

So we keep looking, and found a $1300 gas dryer still in the packing, marked as an “Overstock Item” and for some reason deeply discounted to $749. It has a steam and fluff setting, Reader. 

I want my bedding steamed and fluffed! 

So we were all excited and said Yes to the dress. Er, the dryer. I’ve been watching too much TLC and too much Yes to The Dress, which when Kenny asked me what that show was about I summarized, “Girls who are getting married try on some dresses, cry about it and then pick one” and his head spun around a few times before he sputtered out, “And THAT is a show??” 

Yes, sadly, yes. It’s a show, and I find myself watching it, but mostly when I’m peddling on the exercise bike at the gym and I’ve veered away from all the food shows. That’s when I watch brides-to-be have a meltdown over picking a dress. 

Anyway. We said yes to a new dryer! And then we said yes to a new washer. They had me at “Large Sized Drum,” Reader. I think I can fit my entire bed in it and just press wash and it’ll come out clean and sanitized right before my eyes. Or something like that. 

We did not get the matching washer, because the matcher was a front loader and I’m not buying into that sales pitch. Front loaders have no benefits to me.  But we got the same brand in the same color so they will look like a matching set and p.s., who cares, they’re in the basement. 

If it had only ended there, though. 

Then? I had some lust for a new stove. A flat-top cooktop type in white that will match the refrigerator.

I sort of hate our stove. It has the coil burners and a lot of shit falls in the drip pans and it’s hard to clean and the burners don’t sit straight so everything in the pan runs to the backend of it, and it’s almond and doesn’t match the fridge and I just basically don’t like it. 

So we talked about a dealio on a new washer, dryer and stove. 

And then we went and looked at televisions, while we’re in spending and free delivery mode.  

And that’s how we ended up with a new 80″ television being delivered next weekend.  It’s all the dryer’s fault.

But my living room?? Is going to look so very very spacious without the dinosaur that was parked in it for all these years.   We had a 65″ HD tv, but it was the big-box variety and basically took up a mammoth amount of room. 

Kenny couldn’t part with it, however. So now? That mammoth television is sitting in the recently cleaned out back room, that he has delusions will be a game room, but in reality will never be anything more than the place that collects shit until we get rid of it.  I’ve made my peace with it. It is what it is. 

But the rest of the house? Is going to look awesome. At least if you’re looking at the t.v. 

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