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The Bang Bang Theories


On to other things, Real Life Things, that aren’t nearly as much fun as Vacation Things.

I endured my 2nd boobie biopsy today. This one was a joy, oh joy. I had to lie on a table, facedown, with my titty in a hole. Then they put a clamp on my nipple, pulled it taut (or so it felt like anyway), and advised me to stay perfectly still while they finagled the spot. Then they drilled in a hole, extracted some of my body parts, took it to x-ray to test and ensure they had enough of my body parts, and then I had to go and get a mammogram so they could note where the metal pieces are currently located for future boobie exams, which I was informed now has to occur every 6 months. Piece of shit news that is, and I’m not sure I am even buying into it, especially if all this is NOTHING. Why do we have to continually test a bunch of nothing and expose me to more radiation? But we’ll jump off that bridge when we come to it.

So that’s that. I’ll know in a week. And now that the numbing stuff is wearing off, my boobie has some sharp and pangy-pangs shooting around in it, and I don’t like it.

They advised me not to do any aerobic activities for 5 days, or do anything to bounce them around. I’ll do my best to curb my exhaustive workout routine, although it will be difficult to just sit in the recliner for a few days and relax, you know how I’m a bundle of go-go-go all the time, huh.

I advised Mr. A that the doctor ordered me to have Popeye’s chicken and a biscuit with honey today, and some Oreos and milk, to help me heal. He obliged on the Popeye’s, but we didn’t make it to the Oreos. Yet. The more my boobie pangs me, the more I think we’ll follow Dr.’s orders and get those cookies tonight.

And the worst of it? I have to sleep in a bra and can’t shower until tomorrow evening. I’m going to be a Stinky Pete tomorrow. And probably cranky to boot.

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