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The Bang Bang Theories

Since You Put It That Way

(Instant Message from) The Hoff [Tuesday, 2/15/11, 2:48 PM]: i find your balloon to be very needy in a passive aggressive manner

I, too, had scratched my head at the meaning behind the balloon message that arrived attached to my flower delivery from My Valentine. It was rather demanding, with the exclamation point. Desperate, even. Desperate and Demanding.

I was looking for a comma, some sort of punctuation to change the intent behind the message, but the LOVE ME VALENTINE! bursting out of the sharp-edged word bubble offered no soft relief.

I asked My Valentine if he had indeed hand-picked the balloon that accompanied my red roses. He seemed perplexed by the line of questioning, but then said yes, he had chosen it, but it simply said Be My Valentine. They must have been out, so they just substituted as they saw fit.

I’m left to ponder the societal irresponsibility of florists who just switch up balloon messages all willy-nilly. One can only guess at the amount of strife and discontent they cause – it’s probably why Egypt is in turmoil AND why Charlie Sheen has to turn to hookers. One misused word balloon and the whole world could go to hell in a handbasket.

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