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The Bang Bang Theories

Pound One Out

That title is just so….dirty. I couldn’t resist.

We’re on Day 4 of Trip. The Internet is exceedingly slow. Here it is, by the down & dirty numbers.

1/ It took me 4 days to relax and finally settle in today and enjoy myself. We missed our first stop on Monday (to the Bahamas) due to high winds & waves. Some people have been seasick. Not me, I loves me the motion o’ the ocean, and it just lulls me to sleep. For the bigness of this ship, it’s hard to believe it’s rockin’ the way it is (we’re on the brand-new Allure of the Seas, Royal Caribbean’s grandest).

2/ As big as this ship is, yesterday I was bored. I feel bad and spoiled and ingrateful for even typing “I was bored” while on my zillionth vacation. But that’s the way it was, why pretend otherwise. I needed to get off this ship. Normally I love at-sea days, because I lounge and read and soak up some Vitamin D. But it’s been windy and overcast and chilly, and that makes it a lot less fun. As one dude in the elevator commiserated with me, “all there is to do is eat.” I was actually on my way for a sammich when he said that, and laughed. I wasn’t even hungry, just bored.

3/ I finally took matters into my own hands and worked on overcoming my restlessness. I went to the gym. I rode the bike there. It helped with the restlessness, although it was a little dishearted because 30 minutes apparently burned 85 calories. It didn’t counteract the 2 Cupcake Cupboard cupcakes I’ve gotten reacquainted with, but it was something.

4/ The Cupcake Cupboard has been a big fat disappointment. Two cupcakes (red velvet, turtle) and neither one was good enough to finish. WTF, Allure of the Seas Cupcake Bakerman. I haven’t needed to go back, although they’ve now incorporated a Frequent Cupcake-Eater card, and if I eat 6, I get the 7th free. They just color in the little cupcake top with a pen, I asked Kenny if he thought I could get away with just coloring them in myself and pretending I had 6 to get my free one. I figure they owe me from my indulgence on the Oasis, right? It’s not stealing, because I ate like 9 of ’em on that trip! THEY OWE ME. RIGHT?? But he said since you pay for them with your seapass card, they can track just exactly how many have been purchased and it may not be a good idea to try and steal from ’em instead of paying the $2.50. I guess he’s right. I hate it when he’s right.

5/ Did I mention the weather has sucked?

6/ We stopped today at St. Thomas. Weather was rainy, but a tropical rain beats a Cleveland snow any day of the year. We took a 2-hour tour just for something to do. It was the worst tour ever. Kenny called it the “J. Peterman Reality Tour.” (Seinfeld reference, keep up, reader). But it was so bad, it joked me into the best vacation mood ever and life is good again. It’s a post for another day (cause this is 65cents/minute).

7/ I realized I need a full-length mirror at home. I’ve seen things that have made me realize I should be nicer to Kenny. Things like a whole entire swatch of hair growing up the back of my legs, which I’ve apparently missed shaving for like 6 months, at least. It’s Grizzley Adams back there. Er, it WAS. Not now. I’ve asked Kenny if he’s noticed that before and he just nodded his head “yes” and looked away, a little ashamed. Ashamed for me, I think.

On that note, I leave you. You’re welcome.

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