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The Bang Bang Theories

A Thin Layer of Seduction

Thanks a lot, Brooke Shields. Thanks to you, I now have one more thing in life to feel inadequate about: My eyelashes. I used to be perfectly happy with them. Well, happy enough. I mean, I was always interested in trying out the newest mascara -vibrating or otherwise – but never really had eyelash insecurities. Until Brooke started prancing around on television talking about her skrimpy lashes and how a doctor-prescribed serum can make ’em worthy of batting once again.

Well, I of course have been intrigued. I’m not quite sure which sort of doctor would write a prescription for eyelash thickener & grower cream. Can I get my gynecologist to write one?? Does it have to be an eye doctor? I thought of asking the ear-nose-throat specialist for one, since I’ve been there most recently. But alas, I just purchased some from Walgreens (that’s a whole ‘nother story, just you wait!) and have been coating my lashes (and brows, figured I’d give them a whirl while I’m at it) religiously, morn & eve for about a week now. And ya know what?? On Thursday someone asked me if I was using new mascara because my lashes looked “different.” Really?

Now, I’m not sure myself, and I didn’t take my usual “before” pictures so I can’t be sure if there’s really a difference or not. But if they get so thick I can’t open my eyes, and need to take a scissor to them to prune ’em back, then we’ll really be on to something. I’ll let ya know. So far they’re not so heavy as to be weighting my lids down. But Brooke Shields, thanks a lot, you’ve added two more steps and $15 to my beauty routine. Before your commercial I didn’t even know I was supposed to be concerned.

Now, back to Walgreens. I’ve wondered who in the hell would go there to buy non-emergency items like makeup, and how they could support having an entire wall filled with beauty products. But then I had to run in on my way home from work for a can of cat food. Ya know, so the puddy’s wouldn’t eat my eyes out while I slept that night. Anyway, I popped in for a couple cans to stave ’em off til I could get my big shopping done later in the week. And as I walked in, the Wonder Wall ‘O Beauty started winking at and seducing me. Coupons were taped everywhere offering 2-for-1 deals that were oooh so enticing!

Sixty-eight dollars later and I knew that the Walgreens slicks were diabolical thinkers. And I had my L’Oreal lash-plumping-&-growing promise in my bag.

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