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The Bang Bang Theories

You’ll Thank Me Later

Well, well, well. December. Lessee where we’re at with a quick inventory.

  1. Two Christmas gifts purchased to date. And these are for Kenny’s mom’s dogs, so do they even count? I have no idea what I’m buying – or even who I’m buying for – this year. My list is usually pretty simple, but this year I’d like to reassess it and make sure I’m spreadin‘ the love where it’s needed. I’d better make a new list. I do have to buy something nice for the girl I manage, now that I’m a manager. Kenny and I were debating the amount to spend. Now, I don’t make The Big Bucks, and it seems wrong to spend more on someone I work with than a member of my family, so it’s going to take a bit of reassessing. Kenny thinks $25 is too cheap, but I spend that on some family and friends, so if I go up to $50 – well, do you see the conundrum? It’s a slippery slope, this gift-giving, and while it’s not supposed to be about the money, sometimes that’s what it just boils down to.
  2. Speaking of Christmas, I need to figure out what extent of decorating is going to be accomplished this year. I’m considering doin‘ ‘er up this year. If so, I need to get started today, which could be the hold-up to Christmas Cheer. But I am rather excited about it since we have two new “babies” in the house and this will be their first Christmas. With Toby and Little Blackie (Fuji didn’t stick, that’s a stupid name, I think she will end up being called Blackie), I don’t think the tree will stay standing more than about 2 hours. It’ll be a fun experiment. I may want to consider holding off on the ornament application until I see how it goes.

  3. I need to get the plastic wrap applied to the windows. But first I need to face the hillbillies at Wal-Mart to buy the plastic wrap, and that seems to be the hold-up to that project. But these old drafty windows let in too much Old Man Winter to just ignore that stupid winter project, so I’ll have to face them sooner or later.
  4. The house is MESSY. Completely disheveled, in fact. One of the tasks I hate the most is sorting through the mail, and it piles up on the stair steps right outside the mail slit. So much so, in fact, that it poses a trip-hazard going up & down the steps. That’s when we (I really mean “I” – Kenny could step over it until it piled up so high he wouldn’t be able to leave the house) know it’s time to sort through it, which is exactly what I did on Saturday afternoon. But we had such a lazy-log Saturday that I did it from puffy comfort of my large-ass-making recliner, and therefore just threw all the trash on the floor.

    I haven’t even picked it up yet, it’s still sitting right there where I threw it. Just think how accomplished I’ll feel when I actually get around to picking it up, I’ll be all like, “Look what I did today! I cleaned up a great big pile of trash!” See, it’s a psychological game I play with myself, to give myself a feeling of accomplishment. I do the same thing when I’m making a to-do list, I write down stuff I’ve already done, and then I get to cross it off right away and I feel good about things. Then I take a break.

  5. Sitting here isn’t getting my speech written for Toastmasters (a.k.a. Nerd Club). Just so you know how I’ve prioritized you, Reader.

  6. Have seen two things that have had a lasting impact on me lately, the musical Wicked and the new movie Brothers which just started on Friday night. Now, they are not even in the same genre of entertainment, and I liked them for completely different reasons, but they were both worth noting. Wicked was fantastical, in all it’s musical splendor. Brothers is the new war movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and Spiderman McGuire, and it has haunted me the whole weekend. I also saw New Moon, which really just made me embarrassed about the fact that I enjoyed the books. I feel a little ashamed of myself.
  7. We travelled to Atlantic City over the Thanksgiving weekend. We took a small private jet out of Cleveland Hopkins Airport (thanks to Mr. Anderson’s rabid gambling) and we didn’t have to go through security. I realized at that moment how much I liked doing that and need to get busy doing something with my life to warrant private jets all the time. If only standards were lower, I could coquette my way to the life of luxury.

  8. I’ve started my 2010 Resolutions List! How’s that for being full of Ambition. Things on the short list include:

1/ Creating and sticking to a budget (being a Responsible Adult is waaay overrated)

2/Amping up the sex appeal of my bedroom attire. Now, this won’t really be too hard to “amp” it up, I’ve taken to looking somewhat slovenly in the boudoir. My favorite pink pajama top has achieved the status of “too bad to even be a good rag” and Kenny actually called me on it one night with a, “What the fuck are you even WEARING??” Really, as little attention as he pays to most things around here, I didn’t think he’d notice. It’s bad, though. It’s completely torn down the front alongside the buttons, a hole under the left boob, it’s a mess. But comfy. When I think of the efforts I made when I was newly single/getting divorced, the contrast is sharp. I wore scratchy lace things with bows and rosettes, and shaved my legs all the time even if I was sleeping alone. I made it a point to feel sexy, and now? Now it’s all gone to hell in a handbasket, so for 2010, I am going to work on bringing my Sexy, back.

3/ Along the same lines, another resolution is to have matchymatchy undies. No little tears or holes in the lace. Again, when I was newly single, I swapped out all my Married Undergarments because they were what my fat-ass-ex-husband preferred, which is a whole weird exploration in it’s own right as he had a fetish for giant white cotton underwear on his women. Maybe that explains his attraction for an older grandmother as his mistress (not kidding), she had the granny-panties as a natural part of her sexy arsenal. Anyway, I seriously digress. Back in 2005 I had an underwear-drawer-revamp and I’ve just gotten a little lazy with the upkeep. Might as well have very pretty things nestled up against my lady parts. They deserve it.

And really, isn’t that enough for now? I’ve once again ended a good story in the gutter. My job here is done.

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