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The Bang Bang Theories

Rude Awakening

Twinkle has picked up the very annoying and perplexing habit of sleeping with his catass on the corner of the bed (next to my head) while his upper body spans out and rests on the Bose Wave radio alarm clock on my nightstand. It’s not as big of a stretch as it sounds, we have a kingsize bed in a small Parma-sized bedroom. But it’s still weird & must be uncomfortable positioning.

Now, he does tend to sleep on hard and uncomfortable surfaces, for whatever strange cat reason he has. Some of his other sleep choices include:

  1. Kenny’s hard and pokey-keys keyboard
  2. The scale (again, ass on floor, upper body stretched across the scale)
  3. Ass half-on the couch arm, body stretched across the end table

See the pattern? Not really a big deal, until he moved his weirdness to the alarm clock. Last week we struggled. Twink reset the time, turned off the alarm, and changed the time from regular to military time. I was waking up in the middle of the night at 23:00 hours – he also set the AM/PM button, it was totally screwed up.

The final straw came Thursday night, when he was adjusting himself and pressed on some button that instantaneously blared some hip/hop station at 3:00 a.m. Needless to say, people & cats went flying up out of that bed. Stanley, who sleeps on a pillow at the head of the bed, vaulted straight up in the air and over my head, kicking off on the nightstand and knocking stuff over in the process. Girlie, who sleeps on Kenny’s side of the bed, took off like a cat outta hell, kicking over some stuff on his nightstand. Someone scratched me on both arms as well as a scratch under the cheek of my ass. Kenny and I did our part to add to the chaos by bolting straight up, each of us lunging for the on/off button in tandem. It was quite a moment, not to mention Kenny thought he was going to have a heart attack from the jolt he received. Timmy, who lives below us, got a 3:00 a.m. treat I’m sure he enjoyed.

It was time to take action. So Sunday night I lined up a bunch of items on top of the alarm clock to provide cat blockage. The line up included hand cream, bottled water (closed tightly), nasal spray (I’m a sexy machine at night), and my reading glasses case. I figured those things would deter him from trying to move in on the alarm. Figures, he didn’t come to bed.

But Monday night he was back. I awoke to him scooching around near my head, settling in but unable to make the stretch out. Twinkle has been clock-blocked! Let’s see if the clock-blocking holds through the week.

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