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The Bang Bang Theories

A Glass of Suck This.

I’m having this for breakfast today:

Yeah, it really looks like that, like thick pea soup or swamp water. In fact, I’ve dubbed it Swamp Juice. At Toastmasters last Tuesday, a health guru in our group touted the benefits of this particular “green smoothie” and shared the recipe. She “dedicated” her speech to me because she has the impression that I eat like total shit on an every-hour basis. Weird, really, since I see her only one hour a week, and it’s a non-eating hour at that. But whatev, I must have made quite an impression with my exceptional level of healthfulness.

So now, just to prove she can Suck It, I’m drinking this concoction as of today. I had to shop for the ingredients yesterday, hence the delayed start to Good Health. For all you who want to take the Swamp Juice Healthy Challenge, it contains the following:

  • 1 cup water
  • 2 bananas (that’s a lot of bananas in 1 meal)
  • 1 red delicious apple
  • 1/2 to 1 cup frozen strawberries
  • 6 leaves of Dinosaur kale
Blend all together, ignore the appearance and toast to a day of good health.
I didn’t have dinosaur kale, so I used about 2 cups of bagged kale from Giant Eagle, and picked the stems off. I’d go into greater detail, but we all know that not one person reading this is actually going to make it. I also added in my Juice Plus vitamins to the shake, for added health ka-pow.
The things I’ll do to prove someone else doesn’t know a fucking thing they think they know about me.

After I choke this down, I’m going to the gym. Suck that.

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