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The Bang Bang Theories

Dangerous: Mime Field Ahead.

“The cat’s getting better!” she sings from the rooftops on a snowy Sunday morn. Well, that may be a bit of an over exaggeration, he’s not worth singing about yet. But he is getting better. My Master Plan of the canned food diet fixing everything isn’t happening yet, but I’m still holding out hope and putting thoughts to the Universe (see: The Secret) that it will correct itself through diet.

He is Just. So. Bad. at the shots. He turns on you with teeth bared, growls and is just generally pissed off. It causes me to jerk the needle out before I’ve plunged the insulin and then I have to do it again. He then tries to bat the syringe out of my hands. It’s a whole process, and not a good one. He’s just as ornery when anyone else (Kenny or Timmy) has tried to do it. Now, he hasn’t actually inflicted harm or anything, but it’s a jolt and then it worries my heart when he gives me the pitiful eyes. I really think they could invent another way. Stupid dry cat food industry.

So it looks like it’s going to be a lot of unrelated little bits of randomness. I have lots to say, and it’s not really very cohesive. So buckle up, it may be a bit bumpy to follow.

1.) I realized this weekend that I’m going on vacation in two weeks. That snuck up on me and I am not prepared yet. So I had to hustle today and get both of us registered with our Online Cruise Shit, which sounds simple but it is a whole jump down, turn around, enter this, lookup that kinda process. And then we had a whole other aspect to it that involved making our plans for our lone day in Los Angeles. We’re flying in a day early to LA since our ship sails on Sunday, it was the same price to fly in on Saturday. Now, that extra day is going to cost us a little bundle. Hotels, taxi’s, food. Our free cruise is adding up quickly.

I don’t know if it’s just a result of my being overworked lately or what, but I had serious anxiety trying to make plans for that day in LA. I don’t understand that city, it’s big and confusing and if I’m going in a day early, I want to Do Things. Kenny didn’t even want to book a hotel, he just wanted to get there and wing it. Now, Faithful Reader, from what YOU know about me, do you think that I am the kinda girl who could fly to a big city that I don’t know how to navigate and just “wing it?” Well, if you think I’m that girl, you’re wrong. I am not. I need somewhat of a plan, not at the risk of prohibiting spontaneity. I can be spontaneous. I just need to know in advance where I’m sleeping that night.

After far too much time spent online reading, I needed to make a decision so I made what I think is the Most Fun Decision, I made reservations at the Beverly Hills Hotel for the one night we’re in LA. We can stargaze and gawk and be hoity and trampy and whatever else we want to be, smack-dab in the middle of Sunset Strip. Kenny is surprisingly excited about it, so that’s a good thing that we’re both on board with our expensive hotel choice. Now, from there we can revert to Kenny’s plan of “winging it.” So those steps are done and my anxiety can subside for the moment.

2.) I could bitch blogs and blogs about work, but I won’t because I refuse to give it any more of my time than it has already sucked up.

3.) Linda gave me a pair of knit white gloves for Christmas. I wore them today and thought I looked like a mime. But then I didn’t know if mime’s wore white gloves or black, but regardless, it spurred a one-sided conversation from me about how I find mimes creepy and I would never date one because a mime wouldn’t actually fuck me, he would just go through the motions three inches above my body and I don’t need any part of that. This conversation happened in Best Buy, which Kenny largely ignored until I got to the part about mime fucking. Then he slowly turned, looked at me and just shook his head.

4.) I reached an all-time low in appearance care today. I really cannot believe I went out of the house looking the way I did. But I did. My hair was totally askance from some morning non-mime sex, it went unwashed and virtually uncombed, only held back by a lone barrette; white socks, velour sweatpants and a too-tight long-sleeved braless teeshirt; nary a stitch of makeup. I like to say that I feel confident in my natural state. It sounds better than that I’m lazy and have pretty much given up sometimes. I was embarrassed to be me, but it didn’t spur me to make more of an effort, or to inhibit my shopping.

5.) We went to Best Buy to buy a waterproof digital camera for upcoming trip, for our last trip I had borrowed the Murdoch’s and loved it. I spent a fair amount of time researching them online but in the end ended up with the exact same one. They have a newer model with 10 vs. 8 mega pixels or whatever, but it was also $100 more expensive and really, what would I need that for. And then some of my ex-husband’s influence took over (some things seem to have seeped in and taken hold), and the 8 pixel came in orange, which matched the buoyant wristband and it tipped the purchase scales in favor of the items that would match the best. Thanks, F-Steve, for making me as neurotic as you about some things. So I would say it was a Best Buy from Best Buy. Ha!

6.) I’ve missed a whole month of visiting my grandmother and attending my “Write Night” with my friends. Work has me exhausted and cranky and maxed out with obligations. I’m hoping to change that because I need to re-find my work-life balance.

7.) Oh!! Oh!! I cannot believe this didn’t make mention until #7 on the list!! WTF is wrong with me!?! Well, anyway – DRUM ROLL, PLEASE. I competed in a Toastmasters Evaluation Contest for my club on Tuesday and took the 1st Place Trophy! My first trophy from the club – hah! My job there is done. An evaluation contest goes like this: Someone gives a speech (referred to as the Target Speaker) and then whomever wants to compete gives a two-to-three minute evaluation of the speech. Is it really any surprise that I won?? I’ve had years of practice of telling people why the suck, giving them a boost of encouragement before I totally beat them down, and then offering some suggestions for improving their shit for the future. Now I have to go compete at the next level in March. I need to get my criticising practice in! Poor Kenny…..

Okay, that’s P-L-enty for one night. Let’s hope I get my workshit under control so I can get back to the important business of emailing, browsing the internet and maybe even going to lunch again. Maybe I’ll wear my white knit gloves and mime my way through the day.

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