A Rilly Rilly Rilly Big Shew – Partly Clowder with a Chance of Cake

Genetically Resistant. That’s the official diagnosis from T-N-T Tanning at the end of my street. I went in to sign up – against my better judgement, but still couldn’t stop myself, kinda like getting fake nails once a year – I’m trying to get the glare off before our cruise next month. I just don’t want to be so white I glow – which is my current status. Casper-White is the official Crayola color. I get zero sun nowadays. At least back in my Old Life, I would get some color to me because I would do yard work occasionally. Now there’s Timmy for all things yard-related so I spend very limited time outdoors, except for sitting on my porch and there’s no sun there. So I tried it again and was pronounced Genetically Resistant to Tanning. Oh, even that didn’t stop me from signing up, I bought a 2-week unlimited tanning package just to try it again. Maybe my internal composition has changed since turning 40 and I now secrete mega-doses of melanin and I’ll be a bronzed Hawaiian Tropic pin-up when the 2 weeks are up. I think this sums up my eternally optimistic mindset – who cares about a half empty/half full fictitious cup of water – every year I believe THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I TAN and buy a tanning package of some sort. Every year I’m disappointed and itchy after futile efforts, but still I keep trying. So we’ll see what happens – fingers crossed 🙂

Update: By 10:00 p.m., the 4 minutes of “tanning” has settled in and I’m as red as a lobster, and my hoo-ha is on fire. No, I didn’t wear undies, and now I realize that may have been a mistake.

The week was more of the same in my life: spontaneously predictable. I joined the guys at Mr. Peabody’s Pub Wednesday night for the Karaoke Radio Contest and had a really fun time. Timmy showed up to keep me company and have a beer while Kenny was busy running his rilly big shew. Timmy peed on himself in the men’s room while trying to carve an ice sculpture into the block of ice in the men’s urinal. Why they have ice in them is a mystery to me – men and their wieners and all that goes with is always some complicated story. We don’t have ice in the women’s toilets, in case anyone was wondering.

However, someone at Peabody’s defiled the 2nd stall so badly I gagged a little and felt compelled to show it to someone. Timmy had nothing better to do so he went in with me to check it out, but it was too late as some poor fool had already cleaned it. I’m not sure if it was puke, #2 (if it was, it was an ass explosion of great magnitude), or what – but nothing that looks like that should ever come out of any part of a girl. We’re GIRLS, for crying out loud. Whatever happened to sugar and spice and everything nice?

My sore Cartoon Toe is on the mend, but still has a boo-boo on it. Some of my faithful readers received a special presentation of the Cartoon Toe, so I won’t recap it all again. Suffice it to say, I wore bad shoes, they rubbed a bleeding boo-boo on my toe by 11:00 a.m., it throbbed like a cartoon thumb that gets whacked by a hammer and Timmy dubbed it “Cartoon Toe.”

Shoes are since removed from the rotation. That poor toe has enough struggles as it is, it’s the broken little piggy toe that doesn’t lie flat, it rests up on it’s little neighbor-friend toe and requires special attention with all shoe purchases. Apparently, I wasn’t diligent enough when buying that pair I had on and I had to pay the piper. And my toe was the piper.

I believe I’m getting a sty on my eye – something is going on around my lash line and it’s super painful. I better research a fix for this on the Internet as soon as I’m done prattling off about the nothingness of my week.

Golf season is ready to wrap up, only 2 more weeks left. Ryan and I held 1st place all season until 2 weeks ago, and now we’re out by 1 point. It’s our own fault, if we had made up even one of the forfeits we had we would still have the lead. Now we’ve got to make up ground if we’re going to win. I think last Thursday was a push. Oh well if we don’t win, I really don’t like this Flight so I don’t even care – I won’t be playing with next year, they’re a bunch of A-holes for the most part. There, I got to use “a-holes” in my blog, hooray! People don’t use “a-hole” enough nowadays. I’m taking it back, just like Clerks 2 did with “porch monkey.” If you didn’t see the movie you won’t get that.

Meggan helped host Anastasia’s baby shower last weekend. Her due date is at the end of September, I believe I’ll be cruising while she’s popping out a bambino. I can’t wait to see what she has and what she names it!

Last night we went to JB’s Arcade for our potential last hurrah. The governor has deemed those games illegal (and really, they are gambling, there is no “skill” involved) and they had until midnight Saturday night to shut ‘er down. So we played and had a good time seeing our friends from there and then we called it a night around 11:30. Just in case they were going to battering-ram down the doors at midnight we were gone.

Geri’s house is coming along. She got pounded stainless steel backsplashes installed in the kitchen, which just sounds so cool I can’t wait to see it. I was worried that they would be constantly mussed up looking, and Geri burst out laughing and asked me how that would happen – from all the cooking she does?! She does such a minor amount of cooking she didn’t even want an oven installed at first! All her cooking can be accomplished with a microwave. But she does like to make Oven Fry chicken, and so she may use her kitchen more than she realizes.

I would have a field day with a nice kitchen. Ours sucks – space is horrible, cabinets suck, no place to put anything (the usual complaint here). But it’s next to free so I get by and take a lot of vacations instead. It’s all a tradeoff in life. So far I’m okay with it, I only have occasional breakdowns about wanting a nice new house with vaulted stuff. I can wait a few years.

For those of you who are wondering, the new coffee pot is working out wonderfully so far! Only 1 mishap where it leaked all over the kitchen, but that was a user error, I didn’t have the pot pushed in all the way and well, chaos ensued.

Tonight I got to gueststar on The Karaoke Radio Show. I actually said words and everything. It was fun, the hour goes fast. I gave Emily and Kristen and Timmy a shout-out, and managed not to swear. All-in-all, a good night.

It’s late, here’s a picture of the cute little cross-eyed Girl Cat:

She’s stopped terrorizing Widda as much as before, so she’s allowed to continue to stay. She’s really just so soft and pretty, she’s hard to resist. Those cute cross-eyes just add to the charm.

Here’s a cute picture of Newfie, she rarely gets featured so here’s her moment to shine:

Peace, and be present in your life – enjoy your days, even if they may not be worth seizing!