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The Bang Bang Theories

The Princess and the Pee

Reeeder!  I have been walking in tall cotton this year! Things ARE GOING MY WAY and yes, I’m SHOUTY about it, because I have been working like h-e-double-toothpicks to manifest goodness into my world and it was finally time for my open vortex to receive.

I know that sounds super dirty, or else maybe it’s just dirty sounding to me. Either way. I have had a very open vortex, ready to receive. Bada Bing!

This evening I decided to receive some wine into my mouf, and Purry came up to investigate because her belief is, “What’s hers in mine,” and that is mostly true because she’s my beloved old girl and if she wants, then she should damn well have.  Which is almost always anything I have with butter, cheese, an Arby’s roast beef sammy or a fresh glass of water.

She was disappointed in this glass of Malbec, and frankly so am I.

p.p.s.s. — worth noting: this 2nd photo has two round orbs in it! they were not in any of the photos before or after, so I don’t think it’s just a dirty camera. The spirits are around my spirits!

It’s Costco brand, and it was rather inexpensive so I bought TWO bottles because see opening statement about high cotton. I thought the saying might be “tall clover” and I think it can be both. So I’m in tall clover and high cotton, but this wine is drier / more tannin-y than I prefer and now what am I going to do with it other than drink it, I guess.

I’m not in such tall clover that I can afford to squander a perfectly okay bottle of vino. I’m not a Rockefeller.

Are you sitting there scrutinizing those photos, Reader, and wondering what the what that white patch is on my table?

Well, it’s just a big problem that I single-handedly created when I spilled a bottle of 100% acetone on the table and didn’t notice, and guess what happens to the finish on your wood table when that happens?? You don’t actually have to guess, you can see for yourself. I have big plans to paint this with some dark grey chalk paint, and then do a stencil on it and this happened a few months ago and I haven’t painted it yet, so it may turn into a Spring project.  I can only do so much, Reader, sheesh, stop judging me! 90-Day Fiancé isn’t going to watch itself.

The table and the wine are not the reason I feel drunk with purchasing power. No, it’s much more basic than that.

We splurged a whole hunny on a new mattress topper and it is currently doing it’s expanding foam thingy and boy-o-boy am I excited at the cloud of softness that awaits me, I hope tonight.

We took our old one off the bed because someone not me or My Mister PEED ON THE BED ONCE AGAIN, and yes, I’m pointing the finger of blame at Purry, but see above, she’s old and gets away with all her bad behavior. She’s taught me unconditional love, that is her life lesson to me.

Anyway, while My Mister and I were doing an 11 p.m. bedding presto-chango, we were disheartened to see how yellowed our 10-or-more-years-old foam topper was looking and then I caught a whiff of pee and we just aren’t sleeping on even a whiff of pee. So it was gathered up and shoved in the garage until trash day, and then we slept on our Low Bed, because it lost 3-inches in height.

My Mister: “I feel like I’m sleeping on the floor.”

Trixie: “Ditto. I hate it. Maybe the pee smell wasn’t really there after all and we should put it back on the bed?”

My Mister: “We’re not sleeping in a pee bed.”

I think that’s a pretty fair benchmark.

So today, because I have the luxury this week of not being broke off my ass any longer, thanks New Job!, we splurged and bought the new mattress topper.

Cats are locked out of the room.  At least for now.

It takes very little for us to feel like Rockefeller’s. Not sleeping in a pee bed is a pretty basic standard.

Life is good enough at Chez Bang Bang.

Wishing you the same, Reader!

**I want to acknowledge that I feel like I’ve got the world by the tail at the moment, despite the cat peeing on my bed.  Attitude, Reader. It’s all about maintaining that positive attitude.


Buckled Up

Well, hello there Long Lost Friendie!  Where in the world have I been??? The last time we got together we were eating all the pies in Ohio on Thanksgiving, and now here we are, just after Christmas.

I have been sooooooo bizzy! For realz bizzy, and not just the Lazy Girl’s version of bizzy.

I’ve been taking an online course.

And now I’m four weeks behind.  It requires a lot of thoughts and also it’s online and my biggest challenge has been wanting to get on the computer after I’ve spent all day on the computer. It’s a hurdle I’m going to work really hard to overcome. I would like to force myself into being a Morning Girl. If I can put my thoughts into my class before they get swallowed up with work, it would serve me better.  Sounds like a good idea. It’s actually a great idea that Afternoon Girl has for poor ol’ Morning Girl. We just need to get Evening Girl lined up on the plan and get her ass to sleep sooner rather than later. Evening Girl loves watching tv in bed until the wee hours.

I know a guy named Shane and we got to chatting. I don’t know why I’m so nosy genuinely interested in finding out the minutia of people’s lives, but I am.  I started nitpicking him for details on his routine (don’t ask why, I’m not sure I have an answer), and he puts himself to bed – and asleep – by 9:30 every single night and is up and at ’em at 6:00 a.m. IN THE MORNING and he doesn’t even start work until 9 a.m.

I dated a guy once (who’s wife reads this, hey, hi there!) and HE was also an early-to-bed-early-to-rise guy, and it was annoying AF and probably the reason his new wifey works out much better for him as a spouse than I ever would have. Because No, I don’t want a cuppa coffee at 4:30 in the fucking morning, it’s THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

But anyway. Back to mine and Shane’s routine. Because right after I found out Shane’s routine, when it was closing in on 9:00 p.m., I would announce to My Mister that it’s nearing mine and Shane’s bedtime and I’d start getting ready for bed, so I could be on my way to dreamland closer to 9:30. Just like Shane.

And guess what?? I would spring awake in the morning, feeling refreshed and ready to grab up all the day had to offer. Not at 6:30, no – well, I’d wake up around 6, but keep myself warm and cozy because my house is set on cold-as-fuck degrees at night and that kills any 6 a.m. incentive.

Yes, we have a programmable thermostat – we’re not living like barbarians. But it’s kinda tricky and we can’t figure out how to make it get warmer at 6:00 a.m. So sometimes now if one of us gets up to pee, and it’s closer to getting up time, we’ll tich it up a few notches to help ol’ Trixie with the actual rising and shining.

The bottom line to that whole story is that nothing is just easy-peazy around Chez Bang Bang, Reader.

I know you think I’m living the life of Wine & Roses, and actually I AM because I do drink my fair share of wine, and I’ve been buying myself a whole buncha pretty roses because they super make me happy. I have several focused intentions I’ve been hard at work on, not just getting to bed earlier, and they start with adding a whole buncha pretty things to my daily life, and flowers on the regular are one place I’ve decided to start.

So mine and Shane’s bedtime was working out pretty well for me, but then I sort of fell off the wagon and started staying up late again because I just really like to watch tv in bed, so sue me, sheesh Reader! Now I’m out of the habit, but I can get back into the habit and it’s time to try to buckle back down. And if I can get myself buckled back down, then I can wake up early and use my uncluttered brain power to take my class while drinking coffee at a very reasonable morning hour – let’s be clear, is not and will never by 4:30 a.m. for this Lazy Girl – and actually get that checked off the list before I get swallowed up in the day.

It all sounds good on paper.

So that’s what we’re doing around here. Trying to get buckled down.  Because in other super-excited-finally-finally news, I finally landed a new job! Still working from home, at least for several months, and it is going to take up all of my brain power, and that is why I need to get refocused on mine and Shane’s bedtime, and also why I haven’t been here very much. I have been super bizzy doing important things, for realz, and it’s also why I’ve done zero cooking or baking this holiday season, and guess what? The holidays happened anyway.

As my pretend friend Liz Gilbert writes, Onward!


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