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The Bang Bang Theories

Caught In a Trap

Hi there, Reader, Hey.  So Trixie BB is on her way to marking off another year of life with her b-day looming quickly, and ya know, it’s not been exactly an EASY year, but it has been sprinkled with a whole buncha wonderful moments and people and learnings along the way.

I’ve been employed, unemployed, and now re-employed.  I never wrote that book while I had four months off, nor did I paint one picture, finish one craft project, or start a work-out routine. I did, however, finally get my house de-catted, which took a whole bunch of Nature’s Miracle and a black light. So I’m counting that as a win, and I didn’t have to kill any of ’em for their bad behavior. Yet. A couple of my little a-holes are still on notice.

I’ve reconnected with friends that I hadn’t seen in YEARS, which has been the most excellent part of this year.  Friends who are in Kentucky, Roatan, Houston, and upstate NY. Friends from high school and work and chance meetings on previous trips, people I haven’t seen in many years whom* I was fortunate to see and reconnect with again.

*look at me being all fancy with using “whom” – which may or may not be used correctly, but I’m going with it, because it’s Fancy Sunday. 

I’ve travelled to new places, including Turks & Caicos, Cuba, Upstate NY, Houston and close-to-home Kentucky.

My heart has the wanderlust, even still.  So many places still to explore, so many things I yearn to see. My well-intentioned tribe of fans have encouraged me to get a travelling job, but I can’t seem to quite be able to figure that out.

I’ve said goodbye to people who were friends, and made brand-spankin’ new ones.

My heart remains open.

It’s been an interesting year to find out who people are, as well as finding out more about myself along the way. What I will tolerate, and what  – and who – I won’t. It creates a churn of changes, and times of incredible sadness, but like all things, the only way to get through it is to keep moving forward. I’m still working on those parts.

It’s been a good enough year, Reader.

I still have a lot of things I want to do.  Things I’m working on. Things that may never get done, but I think about doing nonetheless. Sometimes it’s easy to feel stalled out, and I’ve been beating myself up a little bit about all the things I haven’t accomplished. Sometimes other people do the beating-up for me, too, even when their intentions are good. I know what I haven’t done yet, so no thanks for the reminder.

It’s easy to fall into the negative-self mind trap, and it’s work to dig yourself out. I’m digging right now, Reader.  Because social media makes it easy to compare yourself to others who seem to have it all, and that is a trap.  A super-bad, Indiana-Jones-Falling-Into-a-Pit-of-Snakes trap. It makes me wonder if I’m the one setting the trap for others, because on the social media surface, my life looks like one fun ride after another.  I mean, let’s face facts, I got a sloooow and amazing hug from Olivia the Sloth while on an amazingly beautiful Caribbean island. If that’s not a “look at my super-fun life” trap, I don’t know what is.

Don’t step into that trap.

Reader, it’s just a mostly normal life, by middle-privilege standards. 

It’s ups and downs and dirty floors and too much laundry and unfulfilled promises to myself which play round and round in my mind all damn day.

It’s rotten tomatoes in the veggie bin, and a porch that needs winterized and oh-my-lawd, I’ve accomplished nothing of substance in my life and now I’m too damn old.

It’s all those things, but it’s also bright and shiny in spots, and those are the spots you might see, as those are my favorite spots, so I share them easily because they are the best parts that make me the happiest.

But don’t fall into these traps I may have unintentionally set. 

I’m going to side-step those traps that have been set by others today, and focus on being enough, right for this moment, for right now.  

Because I know that everything can’t be as wonderful as it appears on line, and those traps come with dirty floors, too, and just because I haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean I won’t or can’t. I’ve got to steer clear of the traps that drag me down.

Let’s make it a November to Remember, for all the right reasons, Reader. I’m going to go make today just a little bit better. Starting with mowing the lawn, because when I’m in a trap and feeling as if I’ve accomplished nothing? I’m going to go and accomplish something that gives back an immediate result.

*p.s., leave me a comment with another line from the blog title reference and you’ll win a Major Award, Reader. 

**p.p.s. – that Major Award may or may not be something that I didn’t sell at a flea market yesterday.  I know, I know, now you REALLY want to win! Don’t fret, there’s enough for everyone, Reader. 



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