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The Bang Bang Theories

What’s Been In My Mouth Lately

It’s been a while (well, I think it has been a while, but frankly my memory isn’t what it used to be, so maybe it’s not that long ago after all, but I’m not going to go and check around, so just go with “it’s been a while”) since we talked about Things That Have Been In My Mouth.

I know! You’ve been wondering! Well, I’m here to tell you about something that has been newly introduced and has delighted my tongue.

If you follow along here much at all, you may (or may not, I’m not here to judge your memory, Reader) recall that I have had a passionate love affair with flavored coffee creamers for all my years, and have talked about my favorites here and here and Almond Joy Coffee Creamer even has a spot under my “A Few of My Favorite Things” sidebar which you should really go read right now, Reader, and get to learn more of my “likes” so you could maybe surprise me with things to show how much you love me. Someone did that for me once, and it was nice, as a matter of fact. If it wasn’t you, Reader, you need to step it up. Ahem. BRING ME AN OCEAN BREEZE RIGHT NOW!

After sitting here and reviewing all the times I’ve talked about coffee creamer, I’ve come to the conclusion that I may have an unhealthy obsession with it.  I mean, comeon. Several blog posts about coffee creamer?? Is this really what we’re here for? Well, apparently it is, and so let’s chat.

I have worked really hard over the past several months to disrupt my love affair with sugared creamers because I don’t need the extra sugars (thanks, Type 2), and had gotten quite enamored with plain old Hood Coffee Creamer which let the actual coffee bean flavor sing on it’s own. I was getting to the point where I wasn’t even tempted by the flavored stuff and could march right past it with an air of superiority that I was able to resist the siren’s call of that sugary temptress.

Then last weekend while at The Walmarts while on my way to the half & half, I spied a new coffee creamer in the dairy case, and it ended up in my cart as if it had wings of it’s own. It just fluttered down from the shelf and right into my buggy.

It’s TAHITIAN vanilla, Reader. Not just any old ‘bean’ vanilla. And I’ve always wanted to go to Tahiti, so if a cuppa coffee in the morning can transport me there, I say I should go.

This creamer? Is a thick and creamy creamer.*

It doesn’t pour into your cup, it sort of tumbles down from the spout in a slow rolling somersault, before sticking the landing with a ten out of ten performance.

And the taste? Sweet – but not too sweet – while adding a nice touch of vanilla, and making your coffee density somehow thicker. But a good thicker, like you want to enjoy rolling it around on your tongue for a bit  and enjoying the velvety smoothness before swallowing.**

It turned my very nice coffee from this:

To this:

And who doesn’t want a fireworks party in their mouth first thing in the morning? No one, that’s who, Reader.

* know, I know – that’s a lot of times the word “creamer” has been used, and it’s getting a little bit jizzy sounding. 

**and now you can’t get the image of jizzy coffee creamer rolling around in your mouth out of your head. i’m sorry. or you’re welcome. 

***i don’t know why i’m not tapped to write advertising for these people. it’s insulting, quite frankly, because i’m a natural at talking this stuff up. at the very least I should get a free bottle of delicious jizzy tahitian creamer. or at a bare minimum, a fiddy-cent coupon. 


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