You guys, I think I’m finally learning important stuff!
Remember last time we were here, and I was trying to force myself out of a bad mood by “relaxing” a.k.a., sitting down on my deck to create a really hasty painting because damnit, I was going to accomplish something, whether I enjoyed myself or not!?
Well, I certainly wasn’t happy with what I had created and was scrapping that one up for a loss.
But the paints sat on the porch all week.
And sometimes after work I’d go out there and sit and look at my untalented work.
And then I started to think, “Well, hm, what if I just paint white paint over the parts I really hate, and see what happens next.”
So I’d mix some colors, and pick up my brush and start to dap at the canvas.
Slowly I started to not hate my painting. I started to enjoy watching a few touches here or there transform it just a little. Slowly. Slowly. Take your time and enjoy the process. Little changes began to add up. And I started to relax into the process and have a new appreciation for the outcome.
Is it going to win any awards? No it is not.
I’ve been evolving it. And just adding some touches here and there, and it takes a super long time for oils to dry (do they ever even dry??) and then maybe tomorrow I’ll try something else.
But the lesson learned is, that now, with a little patience and persistence, I’m starting to like what I’m creating. And I’m enjoying the experience.
What else I know is this: Someone I know is going to inherit all the arts I create when I die and then think to themselves, “Oh fuck me, this is awful but if I throw it out I’m going to feel like an asshole because my dead aunt/friend/daughter/cousin/sister/lovah painted this with her own two hands and bequeathed it to me and now I have to put this somewhere in my house!” And then my job here is officially done, because it’s one last HA! I’ve gotten to play on someone because that’s the way death works, or at least the way I’m going to do it. I will make you regret getting named in my will.
I’m also excited for the part of this story, where if you’ve paid any attention whatsoever to Trixie Bang Bang and her penchant for naps, you may have noticed I’ve said that sometimes in the evenings I’d sit on the deck and dap at my painting. Because I’m NOT NAPPING, Reader – I’m dapping!!! A YUUUUGE shift has happened in my bod for the past couple of weeks, and I can attribute it all to starting a 30-day Detox thing-a-mah-jig using Arbonne products as my main supplier for good things in mah bod.
This is in no way a sales pitch. I’m not good with pitching products. You either want stuff or you don’t, and my telling you I like it has little effect. I’m happy keeping all the effects to myself, quite frankly.
Here’s what I do know:
I’m not tired for the next day before I’ve even gone to bed the night before.
I’m not in need of my pre-bedtime nap as soon as I rush home from work.
I’m not exhausted during the day.
I don’t want to crawl under my desk and Costanza at 2 p.m. 
I have – no shit – been getting up BEFORE NOON on the weekends. VOLUNTARILY!! I mean, waaaay before noon!! Some days before 9 a.m. which I had always considered crazy talk.
I mean, comeon’ Reader. I heart sleep like I heart soft kittens and chocolate cake. A lot lot lot of hearts.
And lately, I have felt like my sleep fuel tank has been running plum full’up after a normal night of sleep.
I’m sitting here on Sunday at 5 p.m. and am absolutely flabbergasted at how much day I still have left, and how much I’ve already packed in.
Now, I haven’t gotten all my to-do’s ticked off the list, but guess what?? There’s still time to do them!!
So yeah. Arbonne for the win with this one, and it’s not even a struggle. Now, I do my own version, which is probably why I’ve only lost 4 lbs., but I still like a meal. I mostly stick with their protein shakes during the work day, then have something for dinner. I drink several glasses of their detox tea a day because it’s delish. And I swig down in two gulps some digestive health stuff that smells like cat pee, but is supposed to do me a world of good so I just go with it. Let’s face facts, I’ve swallowed several unpleasant tastes in my lifetime. Ahem. You just don’t get to fiddy without trying stuff, is what I’m saying. Curiosity alone is a motivator to test things out.
The weekend has been filled with beautiful weather, and also a strong scent of the unavoidable changing of the seasons. A leaf blew in and landed next to my masterpiece, reminding me that our days outdoors are limited and to soak them up while we can.
Purry gave me quite a scare this week. It seemed as if her days were limited. She stopped eating, probably lost a whole pound or two and at her teensy size, that is significant.
We waited to take her to the vet, to see if she’d bounce back, and by the time I’d declared it was time to take her in, she started eating and drinking more.
Her little trick worked well for getting her very own strategically placed crystal bowls of water with ice cubes all around her hangouts.
She became whisper-thin in just a few short days, but here she is actually enjoying a nap on the deck while mama paints/writes/creates/frets about life. 
She seems to be out of the woods. Now I just need to get her fattened back up a little. Purry could have used a few extra protective layer of pounds on her, and now I’m heeding this warning and thinking about a dessert in my future tonight.
In the meantime, I’m going to go and get a few more things checked off my to-do list, including a quick whore’s bath for my car. On Friday one of the other tasks I swore I would complete before the sun went down on the weekend would be planting my hydrangea, which looked like it was a lost cause and then it surprised the eff out of me when I noticed fresh greenery sprouting. It’s not done with me yet, Reader, so I need to give it a helping hand. Off to find my shovel.
Sometimes, like a bad painting, a sick cat, or a brown plant – hope springs eternal.
Here’s hoping for a little bit more of that in all our worlds.