Often when I’m at my weakest physically, it’s when I’m also feeling my most vulnerable emotionally. It takes the smallest thing to turn me weepy, with both a mixed bag of feelings of gratitude as well as woe-is-me.
I’m sad that I can’t get outside. Yet when I could get outside, I rarely did. We always want what we don’t have, right. Rhetorical, Reader, not bad punctuation.
In my mind, my plans are that I’d like to go hiking and see the changing colors of Fall leaves, and I want to eat a clam bake, and drink hot buttered rums and be bundled up in cozy layers and sit around a fire pit laughing and telling stories with friends.
But when I could do all that, I didn’t. Except for the clam bake, because I do love hosting as well as attending and try to fit in at least one per season. The rest of that? I never make happen.
Maybe it’s because when I’m well, I’m just to darn busy to fit in all that (napping counts as doing something), but now, with nothing but time, all I need is health to make it happen. And that is, unfortunately, the most important part.
So the lesson here is, when I am back on my feet again, to use my time doing the things I think about doing, but never seem to make happen. I think this is going to require a big ol’ list, but not a bucket list, because it’s not big, one-time deals. It’s more like a Robust Life list. How to get the most out of each of the 52 weeks per year we’re given. What will make those weeks the time we look back on with gratitude in how we spent them. I mean, if I live in a state that fully embraces all 4 seasons, instead of wishing away my time I want to truly play and revel in them. Said the sick girl from the kitchen table….
But Fall? If you’re still there for me in early November, I have plans to enjoy you. And while this wound is just a moderate inconvenience, time waits for no one, and I’d better get to making hay while the sun is shining instead of looking back with regret on wasted opportunities.