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The Bang Bang Theories

Extra Extra This Just In

Nyquil let me down last night.  I can usually trust Nyquil to get the job done, wherein the “job” is knocking my sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuff-headed self to sleep swiftly and for many hours at a time.

Not so last night.

To be whiny, I’ve had a stupid cough, sore throat, stuffed nose and occasional bouts of sneezing for well over a week now, despite  my best efforts to tell it to go away, AND eating copious amounts of homemade chicken noodle soup.

To no avail, Reader. To no avail ~slow shake of head~

Last night I pulled out the Big Guns, aka a dose and a half of cherry flavored Nyquil. And while it did get me to sleep within thirty minutes, despite my stuffy nose, it didn’t KEEP me asleep for no more than five hours, and those five hours were not uninterrupted.

Now, I don’t know if you know this about me or not, Reader, but I’m a sleeper. I loves mah sleep. I need a solid eight to ten to function like an actual human being instead of a sleep deprived robutt who is just going through the motions, pretending at life.

I love and need my sleep so much that if I ever found myself in a James Bond-type situation, I’d crack after the first sleep-deprived night of torture. I’d spill all my secrets, and yours, too.

So yeah. This is why I never became a doctor, Reader. The only thing that held me back. I’ve watched Gray’s Anatomy. I could never pull an all-nighter, and then be responsible for anything, let alone performing a surgery or making a life-or-death decision. Which brings me to that point about the whole doctor-internshipping. How does that even make SENSE that we are going to sleep-deprive people and then give them sharp instruments and let these same people operate on other people’s brains and hearts and stuff? I want a well-rested doctor, thankyouverymuch, who is just coming off of a thirty-six hour sleep before they cut me open and jostle around my inside parts.

Same goes for those nursing me, and not like a mama-type nursing, I mean the one giving me pills and writing notes about my maladies and other life-saving nursing duties as the case may be. Well-rested, please. Because I know my own head feels like it’s full of sandpaper when I haven’t had enough sleep, and I shouldn’t even be allowed to take care of cats with anything less than six hours of solid snoozing.

To recap:

1/ I don’t feel 100%. I’m at about 78%, and I’m flying to Chicago this afternoon for a jampacked work-week. I still need to pack. I’m whiney about it.

2/ I barely eked out five hours of sleep, and that makes me run on far less cylinders than I require. I’m running like a 4-cylinder that just had the A/C switched on right now.  You know, sputters a little. Thinks about just quitting right then and there, in mid-merge. Panics the owner just a bit. That’s where I’m at.  I’ll end up packing for my trip and bringing nothing but pajamas and a toothbrush, and my, won’t I look silly meeting with vendors. But at least my breath will be unoffensive.

3/ I could have been a doctor, in fact I just self-diagnosed me with NOT having strep throat thanks to disgusting pictures on Web MD, so basically you can call me Doctor Bang Bang if you’d like and I will diagnose all your ills, too, but take my diagnosis at your own risk. I’m not assuming any liability. Which, by the way, speaking of Doctors, how in the hell did House ever make any sound decisions while on all that Vicodin?? I can’t make a cuppa coffee while I’m on 1 Vicodin, because it instantly puts me in a deep and dreamy sleep (God, please send me Vicodin’s from the heavens today, Amen) and there he was popping them all willy-nilly-nelson and diagnosing the toughest illnesses, and acting like an a-hole all the while.   HouseIndy

4/ I don’t care if you function on four or five hours of sleep each and every day, like you’re some sort of Michael Jackson or Donald Trump.  Number 1, Michael Jackson is dead, due to his NEED for SLEEP, so invalid argument, Reader. Number 2, Donald Trump boasts about only sleeping four hours a night. That’s it on that point. Nothing more needs to be said here. And it explains a lot.

5/ I should have another bullet point here, but again I will lay the fault for not having one at sleeps doorstep. I just finished a bit of my job-work for the morning and think I need to lie down for a bit and try to grab twenty more zzzz’s.

6/ Check back later, I’ve got other non-sleep related things to talk about. Trust me, it’s gooood. But then again, I’m on little sleep, so trust at your own risk.




2 thoughts on “Extra Extra This Just In

    1. I know the Garlic Remedies, as my Vegan Friendie The Healthy Hoff has actually made me eat RAW garlic on toast when I was coming down with a cold. It does work. I just didn’t think I could subject my vendors to the resulting breath.

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