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The Bang Bang Theories

Fuzzy Math

Here we are once again, Reader – just you & me on a Saturday night. Living wild on the hog, or something like that.

Sometimes I go through phases where everything I encounter I want to turn into a story for you here. Other times, like now, it’s like pulling teeth to get my brain to churn out some words.  I mean, a lot is happening. It’s not as if nothing is going on. It’s just nothing is turning into a story in my brain. But I’m sitting down and typing anyway, because the best way to get over writer’s block is to get under someone, but then that saying doesn’t really make sense because I’m not actually under someone at the moment. Crazy sayings. Who makes this stuff up (me).

I guess the news around these parts is I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Weight Watchers. Because fuck it, I’m not getting any lighter on my own. Apparently a steady diet of margaritas, tacos and cake is NOT they way to skinny up. In fact, according to Weight Watchers, margaritas take up an absolutely obscene amount of points – something in the neighborhood of 58, when I’m supposed to have 30 for the entire day. What kinda math is this, Weight Watchers? How can a liquidy beverage have that many points?? It doesn’t contain blended up pizzas and ice cream in there for Garth’s sake. It seems a tich on the high side of points if you ask me, but no one at WW is asking.

I had one anyway. But that was yesterday, and I blamed it on Beginners Diet, since it was only Day 2 into it and everything reset this morning so it’s almost like it didn’t even happen.

Today was much easier to start with, and then towards the evening it started to become difficult and I’m frankly a tich on the hungry side right now. I had a glass of wine, which again, I feel like WW is bullying Alcohol, assigning a whole bunch’a points and making it the enemy. Granted, I could have spent those points on say, actual food, but if I did that then the bullying wins.

Trust me, there was some sort of ill-conceived logic in my brain as I looked at the glass of 5 point Chardonnay and decided to drink it anyway. Three hours later and I’m wishing I had those points back, but no one ever said standing up against bullies was going to be easy.  We cannot let alcohol feel ashamed of itself for being caloric and delicious. If we do, no one wins.

Sunday is Day 4.

This is going to be a tough go, Reader.


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