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The Bang Bang Theories

New Things In My Mouth

Hi Reader. It’s been a while since you learned what I’ve put in my mouth lately. I know, I know.  You’re disappointed. So here it is, the latest thing that’s been in my mouth (that’s worthy of mention). 

Salted. Carmel. Nutella knockoff. 

Reader. When I got this home and opened the jar, the smell alone was something sent down from the heavens. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I didn’t even get a spoon, I stuck my tongue out and LICKED IT right out of the jar. Like an ant-eater. Or something with a long and snaky tongue that licks out of jars. Whatever thing that would be, that’s what I was. 

Kenny was less than thrilled to watch that, because while he’s had his tongue in my mouth etc., many many many times over the past 9 years, he still didn’t want to eat any of this after my tongue was buried in the jar.  Sort of like how you don’t want to ever use anyone else’s toothbrush despite the sharing of bodily fluids, because ewww. 

So the jar was mine, all mine. 

I finally found a suitable vessel to bring this ambrosia into my lips, in the form of ‘nilla wafers and bananas. 

It’s been a good time around here in my mouth. 

Now if Nabisco would get off their ass and jump on the Salted Carmel bandwagon and do a little something with the next phase of the Oreo, we could live happily ever after. And if you see them out in the marketplace Reader, please send a photo. Because I’ll want a cut of the profits, Nabisco, for my brilliant idea. Or at the very least a job offer for coming up with the next great taste in Oreos. Which would actually be my dream job. 

Nabisco? Please email to schedule an appointment, I can be available.  I’ve got plenty more ideas for the Oreo, that was just an easy-peasy no-hard-thinking involved money-in-the-bank idea.  Think of what I could come up with if I had a glass of milk and unlimited supply of the cookie. Other than diabetes and a fat(ter) ass. 

One thought on “New Things In My Mouth

  1. I am afraid to buy the Jif nutella knock off because I know I will just eat the entire thing in about two days (ok one day). Still, it is Christmas…..

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