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The Bang Bang Theories

The Master Plan

Morning conversation with My Mister, while we were still warm and sleepy-eyed from a good night’s sleep:

Me: “Since I turned 46 yesterday, does that mean I’m now in my 47th year??” 

Him: “Yep. You’re in your 47th year now. And I’m only 44.”

Me: “Hm. Well, I think it’s time we broke up. I have reached the age where I can get myself a nice 60 year old with a full pension plan and you can go get yourself a 34 year old and maybe start a family.” 

Him: “You’d want a 60 year old??” 

Me: “Hell yes! “Cougars” are STUPID! What the fuck would I want with a 20-something year old guy? Give me someone nearing -or in – retirement, with a paid-off mortgage and a good pension plan or big 401k, who will be THRILLED to get a whippersnapper like myself!”  

Me: “You know, someone with a full head of white hair, like Ted Baxter. Or Lou Grant. Lou always made me laugh.”

Him: “Ted Baxter’s dead.” 

Me, wistfully: “Yeah……that’s the downside of this plan.”

Him: “Sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” 

Me: “Yep! I’ve seen the ad on t.v. – “our time dot com” – dating place for “mature” people. I think you have to be 50 to be on it, but I’ll lie up. No one will question me lying up, who would lie up to 50? And I’ll just look like a hot ticket for my age.” 

Him: “Who do you think I’ll get?” 

Me: “Oh, someone much younger, who maybe can bear children, and give your mom a grandchild.”

Him: “But I don’t want children!” 

Me: “Too bad. It’s in the scenario.”

Him: “Damn.”

The end. 
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